Division

By: Jennica Williams

DISCLAIMER: I am not using Star Trek for profit. Paramount owns the characters, the ships, the uniforms, the biogel packs, even Neelix's food, I'm just here playing around with the ideas running through my head. No copyright infringement is intended.

Dedication: This one is for Amanda and Ami-- two of my bestest online pals. Thanks guys!!!!

Author's Note: Each new section will begin with a time. This is how much time has passed since they enter...well, you'll see. I'll just say it's how much time has passed since they start their adventure. (Which begins about seven months after the start of the story.)

Seven Months Prior....

"I want a divorce." Even to his ears it sounded funny. Chakotay sat at the dressing table that had been Kathryn's since he'd made it for her two years ago as he said the words. As he practiced the words. The words that were sure to tear his beloved apart, but words he felt he had to say. Tears welled up in his eyes. Could he do it? Dare he do it?

"Chakotay?" her soft voice fell on his ears announcing she had returned from the bridge. "Are you ok?" Arms slid around him as she pressed her face next to his.

"I'm fine." He whispered turning to catch her, his wife of three years, in his embrace.

"Good." Pulling free, she smiled at him as she made her way to the bathroom. "B'Elanna and Tom have invited us over for dinner."

Chakotay acknowledged her with a nod of his head, but felt his heart sink. If the other couple had not just had their little baby boy, then he may not have begun to feel like this.

"Kathryn.." his voice wavered slightly as she turned back to him. "I want a divorce."

The blood drained from her face as she stared at him. There were no words to describe how she felt at that instant. Knees buckled and she barely made it to the bed before collapsing. "Why?.." she whispered in shock.

He hung his head, but sat down next to her. "I was in sick bay yesterday when you were talking to the doctor." He admitted. "I heard him tell you it wouldn't be wise to try to have children. Kathryn-" he tried to brush the side of her face, but she pulled back. "Kathryn, I need children. The feeling that I got in my heart when I held little O'Wen...I can't describe it to you. But I need them. As much as I love you, and don't doubt that I love you, I love children and need some of my own."

Silent tears coursed unchecked down her face. "Chakotay, please,.....there must be some way...don't do this.." the last words were a whispered plea that tugged on his heart.

"I love you, Kathryn. But I can't stay." His own tears fell as he made his way to the door of their shared quarters and walked out.

Kathryn stared after him. This wasn't possible! They had been married for three years and it had been the most wonderful time of her life. How could he do this to her?! Burying her face in his pillow she felt huge, soul-wrenching sobs escape her throat.

A week later, Chakotay leaned back in what he was now accepting as his quarters. Once upon a time it had been a storage facility for the senior officers, but now, after three days of furious cleaning and rebuilding, they were suitable to live in- though it was quite a bit more cramped than living in the captain's quarters. After all he had taken from her, and all the hurt he'd left behind, Chakotay couldn't find it in his heart to ask for the walls to be rebuilt between what had once been the captain's and the first officer's quarters. He would rather take the small ones and leave his Kathryn with that little bit of comfort.

Unshed tears welled up in his eyes again, but he pushed them deeper inside of himself. He had made a decision and no matter how much he wished it could have been otherwise, it wasn't. Taking a deep breath, the commander prepared to move from his new surroundings to the captain's ready room to sign the final documents.

"Doctor?!" Captain Janeway sat up straight from the biobed. "Are you sure?!?"

"I am a computer and incapable of making mistakes. I assure you captain, you are 100% pregnant."

For the second time in one week, Janeway felt herself growing weak.

"Isn't it wonderful though?" the doctor chatted. "Now you and the commander will be able to stay together."

She looked up, surprised anyone else knew.

"It's a small ship, captain." He reminded her. "Now, I want for you to call off that divorce, and then come back here in two weeks for your first month check up. In the mean time, I'll prepare a diet for you to follow."

"I'm not calling off the divorce."

The doctor looked up startled from his hyposprays. "What? Why ever not?"

"I want for the commander to stay married to me because he loves me. Not because I can carry his child. And Doctor, you will keep this confidential until I tell you.

"But Captain-"

"Until I give the order." She leaned forward to stress it.

The doctor frowned and looked at her. Stubborn woman, he thought to himself. "Aye, Captain." He answered aloud.

With a quick nod, she slid off the biobed and returned to the bridge.

"They're already in there." Harry told her as she stepped off the turbolift.

She met his eyes, and then nodded quickly and, taking a deep breath, entered her ready room.

After drawing together the final documents, they only had to press their fingerprints to the padd and the divorce would be official.

Chakotay watched his wife out of the corner of his eyes. His wife. In a few moments, he wouldn't be able to think of her as such. She had been strangely quiet during the entire proceedings. Then again, what did he expect? He was leaving her for something she could never give him. Could he do it? The question rang in his mind. Swallowing the lump in his throat, he reached over and firmly pressed his finger to the padd and then looked at her.

Kathryn narrowed her eyes. She was carrying his child. What ever would she tell the baby?? Well, one thing she knew she'd never tell it was who the father was. With a slightly trembling hand, Kathryn reached forward and pressed her finger to the padd which promptly finished their marriage.

"Done." Tuvok collected the data padd. "As the senior most officer not involved in this division, I will file the report."

Both nodded at the same time and chanced a glance at each other. Nearly identical emotions were pasted on their visages. Anger. Regret. Sadness. Loneliness. Emptiness. And yes, even love.

Kathryn schooled her features first. "Get back on the bridge, Commander. I'll be in here until the end of my shift. Do not come in here unless it is an emergency." Turning quickly on her heel, she sat down at the desk and lifted up one of her data reports.

"Take the day off, Kathryn. I'll cover your shift." Chakotay offered, not moving from his place in front of her desk.

Kathryn's head snapped up. "Don't you dare call me Kathryn again. You lost that privilege the moment you said you wanted a divorce."

Tuvok inconspicuously slipped out of the ready room.

Chakotay looked away. He took three deep breaths before drawing on his inner calmness. "Understood, Captain. I'll be going now." With a sharp turn on his heel, he left his captain sitting at her desk-- alone. Truly alone.

"You're progressing just nicely." The Doctor beamed as he ran the tricorder over Kathryn's stomach a few weeks later. "How did the commander take the news?"

"He doesn't know." Janeway admitted softly.

The Doctor's bald head snapped up. "What? I thought you were going to tell him!"

"When I'm ready to I will." Janeway retorted at the hologram.

"Well, you'd better make it soon because you're going to be showing soon."

"Don't remind me." Kathryn slid off the biobed. "Can I go now?"

"Ahh, not quite yet." The Doctor peered intently at his tricorder for another moment. "When you tell the commander that you're pregnant, you can also mention that there will be one baby for each of you."

"What?!" Kathryn gripped the sides of the biobed in an effort to regain her balance. She failed and tumbled into the Doctor's arms.

"You are having twins." He stated somewhat amused.

"I can't. I can hardly have one baby. Check your instruments. I can't have two babies." Janeway babbled.

The Doctor cocked an amused eyebrow at her, but handed her the tricorder. "Two heartbeats, two bodies, though they're going to be identical."

"Boys or girls?" Janeway whispered in awe.

"Too soon to tell still." The Doctor handed her a hypospray. "You're free to go, but I'm assuming you'll be experiencing morning sickness soon. Use this only if you have to. It won't hurt the babies at all, but I'd rather you didn't get addicted to it."

Kathryn was thankful she only experienced a mild bought of morning sickness, but by the time she was fourteen weeks along, she still hadn't mentioned it to her XO.

Chakotay glared at the view screen, as was his habit lately. He'd asked half the women in engineering and most of the women in science and security on dates. Every last one had turned him down. Stretching his long legs in front of him, he mumbled something about it being Kathryn's fault.

"Excuse me?"

The sharp whisper of a certain blue eyed woman beside him brought him out of his reverie. "Nothing." He snapped back as they both faced the view screen again-- their relationship had only gone from bad to worse since the finalizing of the divorce. Both did their best to avoid the other and were in the same room only when it was necessary.

He glanced at her out of concern. Janeway had let that slide much too easily. She'd been looking more tiredly lately and he was worried about her. Not bothering to hide his smile, he watched as she nodded off to sleep in her chair. Just before her head dropped to her chest, her head shot up with a slight gasp.

"Sleeping on the job?" He teased her. Her response was to glare at him. He leaned over to whisper to her, "Kathryn, you look tired. You've been looking more tired for the past few weeks. Why don't you go and lay down on your sofa. I'll call you if there's an emergency."

She set her jaw in a firm line and picked up the data padd that had slipped through her fingers. A definite 'no.'

Chakotay sighed in exasperation and picked up his own data padd. For a full hour, he watched Tom poke out meaningless commands and run unimportant tests that were more likely to simply entertain himself. He listened to Harry tinkering with his own test scans and knew the two were sending messages back and forth. He couldn't hear Tuvok, but he knew the Vulcan would be working on something pertaining to security. An ensign at the science console was resting her chin in her hand and doing her best to stay awake. His captain wasn't doing much better. Her strict posture told everyone she was alert and paying attention, but her glazed, unseeing eyes told Chakotay she had long since zoned everything out and was 'sleeping' with her eyes open.

A moment later she shook herself out of her dream only to confirm Chakotay's path of thoughts. Casting a quick glance at him, she turned the bridge over and retreated to her ready room. Chakotay stared after her. Was she putting on weight?

"Come." Kathryn looked up from her console as Chakotay entered the room.

"The report you requested from astrometrics," he said stiffly holding out the padd.

"Thanks." Kathryn turned back to her console, but when he didn't move she looked up again. "Something else, Commander?"

His eyes ran over her face, down to her hands resting on the desk, and back up to her face. "I'm concerned," he admitted softly trying to ignore her glare. "You seem so much more tired than usual. Not just the tiredness you usually have from working twenty plus hours."

"Yes, Commander. I am more tired." Janeway averted her eyes as she muttered under her breath, "No thanks to you."

"Excuse me?"

"Nothing." She mumbled concentrating on the data padd. "Thank you for the report."

"No, it's not nothing." Chakotay leaned down on her desk. "Look, Kathryn. I'm sorry for everything that's happened. I told you I still loved you. I do still love you. It's just that I want kids so much. Though," he turned to mutter under his own breath, "Unless I marry some alien, the chances are pretty slim now-- thanks to you."

"What do you mean by that?" Janeway didn't mean to snap out the remark-- ok, she did. But, she instantly regretted it as a flash of pain flickered across his face-- or maybe she didn't. He had her hurt pretty bad after all! Great plasma storms! Her hormones couldn't allow her to make up her mind on anything!

"I've asked half the women on this ship for dates. Every one of them said no. A few even had the gall to tell me to work it out with you." Chakotay's eyes burned into hers. "Tell me that wasn't planned."

"It wasn't. At least, not by me." Janeway stood up and nodded to the door. "Get out of here. You can solve your own romance problems, or I can drop you off at the next planet with alien women swarming over it. I'm sure you'd be happier there than you will be here in a few months."

"What are you going to do to me that would make life on Voyager so awful? Find some deckhand to have an affair with?"

"No." Janeway's jawline twitched in anger. "I'm going to put you on report anytime you dare come near my quarters."

"What would I be near your quarters for?" He shot back at her-- *Presumptuous, little brat.*

"Well, you yourself said you wanted kids," Janeway's eyes held a strange glitter in them. One that made his stomach flip over. "And, I'm pregnant."

*Presumptuous Little Brat carrying my child!* Chakotay's face didn't change as she made the announcement. Slowly, his eyes grew wide and his mouth opened. "You mean?..." His eyes suddenly narrowed. "Am I really the father?"

The short silence that followed was broken by the swift slap that resounded in the ready room from Janeway's hand connecting with Chakotay's cheek. "I am not some tramp that sleeps her way around the ship," she said in a low voice, only inches from his face. "Do not ever, ever, ever make a statement like that again."

"I assume it's mine then." Chakotay took a step back from the seething woman and rubbed his cheek. "How far along are you?"

"How long have we been divorced?" She answered his question with a question of her own.

"Three months, two days, eighteen hours."

She cocked an eyebrow at him, to which he blushed. "I'm fourteen weeks along."

"Boy or girl?" He asked instantly.

A soft smile slipped over her features as she thought of her babies. "Girls."

He nodded. Suddenly, his head snapped up. "Girls? As in plural?!"

"Identical twins."

Chakotay took a step backwards and found himself sitting in the chair in front of her desk. "We're having twins?"

"No." Her voice took on an icy, cool tone. "I am having twins. You're not going to have anything to do with their lives. You didn't want me when you thought I couldn't have a baby, and you're sure not going to be there now for me and my girls."

"Our girls, Kathryn. No matter what you say, they'll always be mine too."

"Chakotay, get out." Kathryn glared at him as she moved to sit down again. "I don't want to see you except while we're on duty. You forfeited your life with me and our children the day you said you wanted a divorce."

"One question." Chakotay rushed on as Kathryn pointed towards the door. "Did you know about them before you signed the divorce agreement?"

She didn't answer, but her stony silence and hard glare were enough. Chakotay felt his heart sink. "I wish I had known." He whispered before turning. He would leave her now. It was what she wanted-- for now.

Five Months Prior...

"Oh!"

Everyone on the bridge turned a startled expression to their captain who sat with her stomach clenched in her hands.

"Kathryn? What happened? Is everything ok?" Chakotay missed his slip as he turned a worried eye on her.

"I'm fine, Commander." Janeway answered coolly. "I was kicked."

Tom chuckled as he turned back to the conn. B'Elanna had had nearly the same reaction as the captain-- except her Klingon side made her more vocal. He was thankful he wasn't married to the captain as he knew she'd discover just how much babies loved to move around-- especially at two in the morning when parents were trying to sleep.

Kathryn kept her hands over her swelling belly as she marveled at the tiny people inside of her. Every so often, an elbow or head or foot would press against her and she'd feel it. Suddenly, a foot kicked. She jumped again, but didn't gasp. A small smile slid over her features as she continued to monitor her babies.

Chakotay was doing his best to not watch the mother of his children, but he was failing miserably. Luckily, she was so engrossed with the floor of the bridge, she didn't seem to notice. A small smile tugged at the corners of Kathryn's mouth and Chakotay knew another kick had occurred. Three in past twenty minutes if he was any judge.

Turning his attention back to his data padd, he continued reading the engineering report B'Elanna had sent up with an [emergency] tag on it. Scrolling down to the next paragraph, he found the problem. While the rest of the crew didn't know it, the Voyager barely had enough supplies to last the next year, and they were headed for a region of space that, so far, hadn't shown any signs of holding planets where they could refuel. Voyager would have to find a way to cut back on power or else perish.

"Captain, a word with you please." Chakotay grasped the padd and followed her to her ready room.

"What is it, Chakotay?" Kathryn asked as she dropped into her chair. Starting, she placed her hand on her stomach.

Chakotay smothered a grin as he handed her the padd. "B'Elanna says we're getting extremely low on power supplies-- and it'll be a while before we can resupply the ship."

Janeway skimmed the padd quickly and then raised her eyes to his. "Don't tell the crew. Not yet. I don't want for them to realize how desperate things are going to get around here in a few months."

"Yes, ma'am."

Kathryn grimaced at him. "It's not crunch time, yet." She rubbed her stomach unconsciously as she paged further down the data padd.

Chakotay knew he was taking a risk, but Kathryn hadn't glared at him in two weeks. Kneeling beside her chair, he placed a hand on her swelled stomach and commented to his children, "Little ones, you can't keep this up. Your mama has work to be done."

Kathryn's hand instinctively covered Chakotay's as her eyes locked with his. "Chakotay.." she whispered in a pained voice as she pulled his hand away.

He briefly squeezed her fingers, and then let go-- both with hand and eyes. "Kathryn, you know I want you back in my life. It was stupid of me to let go. All you have to do is say the word."

Mutely, she shook her head. "I refuse to allow someone in my life just because they want my kids." She finally said.

"You know I love you!" He exclaimed reaching a hand over to her face. "Kathryn, believe me when I tell you that."

"You may have one day, but apparently not anymore." She pulled away from him quickly and stood to put her chair between them. "You're dismissed, Commander."

"No. This isn't between the captain and commander." Chakotay snapped. "It's between Chakotay and Kathryn. You can't separate them for three years and then mesh them back into two molds again. It won't work, Kay. And, I refuse to allow you to."

"It'll have to work." She retorted. "Because I refuse to see you as anything more than another officer. Get out of my ready room, right now. I want you to assign yourself to the Beta shift and myself to the Alpha shift from now on. Tell the crew it's so we have more experienced officers on the bridge at all times. I don't care. I just don't want to work with you."

Chakotay set his jaw. "Fine."

Janeway watched as he turned on his heel and stalked back out to the bridge. When she got the schedule for the next week, she found herself scheduled for each Alpha shift and him spilt between Beta and Gamma. The only time she would have to deal with him would be for senior staff meetings.

Entering System....

"I estimate that it will take us about four years to get through this expanse." B'Elanna finished her monologue after giving a report that she and Seven of Nine had spent days putting together about supplies and the next few years of their journey.

Janeway, in her maternity uniform since she was due any day now, laid both hands on the table. Chakotay instantly knew that if it had been easier, she would be standing. "How ready are we?"

B'Elanna frowned. "As ready as we're going to be for now. Seven has been able to detect a few M-Class planets, though there's not much between them. We should be ok as long as we stop at every one. Sometimes, it means taking a two week detour, but it's imperative to our survival that we do."

The captain nodded. "Understood. I want for you to send the navigation charts to Tom's console." She turned to the helm officer. "Memorize them. Know them in your sleep. If something happens and we lose part of our computer or, even worse, B'Elanna or Seven, we have to know the exact route. Actually," she glanced around the table. "I want for all of us to memorize them. Is that understood?"

Everyone solemnly nodded their consent. "Dismissed." Janeway bit out the last word quickly and leaned back. It was time. Thank goodness she had been able to get the meeting over with. Now, she only had to find a way to sickbay. Standing, she slowly waddled toward the turbolift. "Tuvok, you have the bridge." She called over her shoulder as she and Chakotay, who was on his way back to his quarters for a few hours of needed sleep after the Gamma shift, stepped inside.

Hands behind his back, feet slightly apart, Chakotay stood rigidly in the presence of his captain-- not daring to say a word. With a slight gasp, Kathryn clenched her stomach. She tried to hide the sharp pain, but Chakotay's ears were too sensitive to her.

"Captain?"

"It's nothing." She muttered sinking to a sitting position.

"Hardly." He clenched his teeth. "You're not delivering my children in a turbolift. Come here." In one swift movement, Kathryn was lifted off the turbolift floor and being cradled in his arms.

"No. Put me down." Legs kicked and arms pushed against his chest, but Chakotay held fast to her.

"Shush, Kathryn." His arms only tightened in support as another contraction hit.

She squeezed her eyes shut as the doors opened and Chakotay burst through them. The doors to sick bay slid open just in time to admit Kathryn and Chakotay.

"What's this?" The Doctor asked eyeing the couple.

"She's in labor." Chakotay carefully laid her down on the biobed.

"You really shouldn't have waited so long." The Doctor rebuked her as he ran the tricorder.

"Shut up." She clenched the sides of the biobed and glared at Chakotay. "You. Get out."

Chakotay took a step forward. "Kathryn, I-"

"Out. Now." She shouted, then quieted as another contraction took hold of her.

"Well, Doc, I'm reporting for duty. Anything exciting go-" Tom stopped in midsentence as he came through the doors of sickbay and found his captain lying on the bio bed. "Oh my word."

"Don't stand there like an imbecile. Get me that tricorder on my desk." The Doctor ordered.

"On my way." He turned suddenly. "Captain, want me to call B'Elanna? If anyone knows what you're about to go through, she does."

"AHHHHHH!"

Tom took the shout as an affirmative and quickly contacted his wife. Within ten minutes, sickbay was at an excited stage as people hovered around the captain.

"This is it. The last one. Now, push." The Doctor carefully caught the tiny infant who let out a massive holler as she made her entrance into the world. Within seconds, the cord was cut, and she was wrapped in a blanket lying on her mother's chest as they waited for the second baby.

"Well,.." B'Elanna gazed adoringly at the baby girl not knowing what to call her. "She's been born. And she's beautiful."

"Ami...." Kathryn gasped. "Her name...is...Ami Elizabeth."

"Here we go. One more time."

A second wail filled sickbay as the other baby joined her sister in the new, cold world of sickbay.

After running a tricorder over both babies and mother, and pronouncing them perfectly healthy, the Doctor allowed Kathryn to sit up and hold her new girls.

"Ami Elizabeth and Amanda Lynn." Kathryn said as she gazed down at the two infants, a small smile of wonderment in her face.

"They're beautiful, Captain." Tom grinned as he slid his arms around his own wife. And, they were. Identical in every way, but both beautiful. Dark brown tuffs of hair were already visible and both had brown eyes-- Amanda's were wet with tears still and Ami's were gazing solemnly at her mother.

No one saw the lone figure in the corner of the room watching the scene. With tears in his eyes, Chakotay quietly left.

Four Months Later...

"The Vaskens are trailing us again, Captain." Harry Kim spoke up from his console, much to the dismay of his captain.

She'd barely gone back on duty and this new alien race had begun attacking in small, random battles. The only motive evident thus far was Voyager's superior power supply-- when operating within peak efficiency. They'd been running at 74% for the past three months.

"Tom,-"

"I know I know. Evasive maneuvers." The helm officer was already executing the steps that had become almost routine.

"Good." Janeway sat back in her chair, her XO once again by her side as was necessary for this journey, and watched as her beautiful ship was badgered by the hostile aliens once again.

The ship rocked, causing the floor under them to pitch towards port.

"Deck 10 reporting a minor hull breech. Repair teams are already responding!" Harry shouted as the red alert klaxons roared to life.

"Tuvok, continue firing!"

"Aye, Captain."

The next hit caused Tom to be thrown from his console after he hit his head hard. Kathryn jumped up and staggered through the dark to take helm control. Stepping over the unconscious pilot, she called for an emergency beam out and then sat down quickly. After entering a few commands to dodge the next round of phasers, she became aware of a presence hovering over her.

"Let me." Chakotay's firm voice implored her to hand navigation over to the better pilot. Janeway slid over to the co-pilot's chair and watched as the second best pilot on the ship took over.

"Deck 10 is without power! Repair teams are evacuating!"

"Acknowledged." Janeway twisted in her chair. She could barely see her chief of security's face illuminated by the red glow on his console. "Tuvok! Target-"

She was cut off as the ship lurched again, this time towards starboard. Chakotay's hand snaked out and clutched her with one arm as his other hand danced over the console.

"Thank you, Commander." She said stiffly, indicating he was to let her go.

"I'm not letting go, Captain." He glanced at her briefly. "As your first officer, I'm not letting go."

She took a quick breath, but the sound of phasers tearing through their hull made her spin back to Tuvok. "Target their weapons. Take them out. Totally. At this point, I don't care if you take out their bridge. Just get them to stop firing!"

Tuvok cocked an eyebrow. "A curious choice of actions, Captain."

"Do it!"

"Aye."

Janeway watched from Chakotay's firm embrace as Voyager's phasers cut through the darkness of space and hit the other vessel.

"It appears to have a multi-phase varying metal alloy as the prime exterior."

"You mean this thing can't be killed with our phasers." Janeway frowned. This was becoming all too routine. Seven had been working on something in order to counteract the affect, but it wasn't ready yet. "Janeway to Seven. Do you have the new phase variance ready to implement?"

"Negative, Captain. We're very close, but not quite."

"Another ship is decloaking four light years from here. ETA is twenty two minutes."

Janeway looked at Harry as she made the decision. "I want whatever you've got executed, Seven. Give me something down there. Work with B'Elanna."

There was silence for a moment over the comm system. The only sound on the bridge was the exchange of phaser fire between the two ships. For a moment, Janeway wondered whether Seven would follow the order.

"Yes, Captain." Seven finally said. "We'll need at least ten minutes."

"You've got two." Janeway cut off the comm signal and turned back to the main view screen. "Is this new ship of the same size as the other?"

"Affirmative. They appear to be identical."

Janeway flinched at the word. Identical. Just like her two chubby baby girls back in her quarters being watched by Ensign Andrea Wilner. She had to get this ship out of this mess. If for nothing else, her girls.

"Decks 9 through 11 are without power, a hull breech has begun on deck 13. Teams are having difficulty responding."

"Captain, I have integrated the commands into the phaser sequences. You may begin now." Seven's voice came over the comm system much earlier than Janeway expected.

"Fire!" she shouted over the din of the bridge taking another roll in the dark. Twin bursts of yellow phaser fire left the ship and hit their intended target. As soon as the other ship realized Voyager was able to inflict major damage, they turned tail and ran.

Janeway relaxed as a sigh barely escaped her lips. Chakotay's arm relaxed and held her loosely as he entered the coordinates for their next stop-- nearly six months away.

"Decks 9 through 11 are still without power, though the hull breech on deck 13 is being repaired. An explosion occurred between decks 5 and 6 and also on deck 8. Captain, it'll be easier if I just give you a written report." Harry looked up. "I'm afraid it's rather extensive." He looked down at the console again and swallowed hard. "The deuterium tank is leaking. B'Elanna's got people on it, but with what we've already lost..."

Janeway didn't' need Harry to spell it out for them. That deuterium was their power supply. With it, they barely had six months power left. Now, they probably didn't' have that. "Go to Gray Alert." She said. "Tell the crew new quarter assignments will be issued for the duration of the next few months and we'll shut down whatever we don't need." BR>

After finishing a quick report of her own and making sure everything was as secure as it could be, Kathryn grabbed the data padd Kim had made and dashed to her quarters anxious to see her daughters.

"Kathryn!" Chakotay stepped into the turbolift just as the doors swished shut. "We need to work on this Gray Mode." He said, referring to a nearly complete powering down of the ship.

"Fine. We can go...." Where? What was still remaining and could be used?

"Your quarters or mine?"

"Mine." Janeway said instantly. She wanted to be by her babies at any cost-- even if it meant having their father with them.

"Fine." Chakotay's heart had jumped in his throat. After nearly four of months of attempting to keep the children from him, he would see them.

As the door to the captain's quarters slid open, the senior most officers were greeted with the wails of the twins.

"Oh good. You're here." A frazzled Andrea Wilner greeted the mother by depositing one child carefully into her arms.

Kathryn merely smiled as she shushed the babe. "Hush, Ami dearest. Mama's here now. Everything will be fine." She continued to talk softly as she patted the baby's back and held her close.

Andrea watched as tears gathered in Chakotay's eyes. This was the first time he'd been close to them, she realized with a start. "Commander, if you'll take Amanda, I believe I'm needed in engineering." The captain looked as though she was about to protest, but Andrea pretended to not see and instead handed the tiny girl over to her father before rushing out.

Chakotay stared at the child in his arms. Amanda shrieked and continued crying as he tried to comfort her.

"Let me have her," Kathryn shifted Ami into one arm and held the other out for Amanda.

"No, let me hold her for a moment." His eyes came up to meet hers. "Please, Kathryn..."

Against her better decision, she answered, "At least come sit by me so she knows where I am. I don't think I can take this screaming much longer."

The settled down on the couch together as Janeway studied the padd. "Half the ship's operations have been affected. It'll be a few weeks before we are even up to minimum standards."

"If only we'd been able to keep shields on-line." Chakotay muttered glancing at the padd in her hands. "Oh no."

"What?"

"Replicators are off-line."

That evoked a smile from her. "We'll survive. We always have. And we'll make it a priority to get shields back. I can't believe we've been without them for nearly three months."

"Crew assignments. Closing off decks." Chakotay reminded her the reason why he was there. Looking down, he realized Amanda had stopped crying and was now attempting to suck on his finger. "Um, I think someone's hungry."

Kathryn's forehead furrowed. "She always picks the most inopportune times." She replied reaching out for the baby. "Swap."

Chakotay laughed gently, but took Ami as Kathryn took Amanda. She reached for her bare toes and attempted to stick them in her mouth. Chakotay chuckled at his daughter causing her to look up at him solemnly with large brown eyes.

"....In my quarters. They are the largest after all."

"What?" Chakotay looked up startled. Kathryn had been talking and he'd been too engrossed with the babe in his lap.

Kathryn frowned, "I was saying that we should probably have all of the senior officers bunk in my quarters. It's not like we're not friends and they are the largest."

"B'Elanna will kill Neelix." Chakotay laughed.

"She'll adapt." Janeway grinned ruefully as she keyed the assignment into the padd. "How about we designate all senior officers' crew quarters as the only ones open. And allow the crew to bunk how ever they'd like."

"That's only five." He said thinking of Tom's, B'Elanna's old ones, Harry's, and Tuvok's. "We'll need a lot more than that. What about adding deck 4 to it?"

"Good. Will that be enough?"

Chakotay did some rough calculations in his mind. "I think so."

"Good. Now, if you'll get out, I'd like some time with my girls." Kathryn held out her arm for Ami.

"They're my daughters too, Kay." Chakotay said softly.

"You forfeited any rights." She reminded him coolly. "Give me the child back."

Chakotay saw the underlying fear and anxiety washing over Kathryn. She was afraid he would take them away, Chakotay realized. Gently, he laid Ami back in Kathryn's arms and kissed the top of her black haired head. Dropping a kiss on Amanda's head, he continued and pressed a quick kiss to Kathryn's forehead. "Thank you for such beautiful girls." He whispered against her.

Kathryn would have slapped him-- but her arms were full. She would have shouted-- but the girls were nearly asleep. "Get out." She finally seethed, appalled that he would have the forwardness to actually kiss her after what he'd done to her.

Eight Months Since Entering Vasken Space....

The ship had been at Gray Mode for nearly four months already. The crew, while it had been fun for the first few days of bunking together, was becoming more and more agitated with their crew mates. Already officers had been switching bunks and nearly no one was where they'd started. Except the senior officers. They fought like crazy-- Tom's socks all over the place drove Seven to near madness, Neelix's cheerful morning wake up call was about to send B'Elanna over the edge, Harry was ready to kill the captain and B'Elanna if either of their children woke up and screamed another night solid , Chakotay's quiet temper flared whenever Janeway pulled one of the girls from him, even Tuvok had been known to shout once or twice as Neelix irritated him. Needless to say, the senior officers felt as though they were walking on egg shells with one another.

"If we can cut back the power in the mess hall-"

"You can't do that!" Neelix exclaimed. "How would I cook?!"

"You wouldn't." B'Elanna said pointedly. "I'd fix the replicators and turn off the entire mess hall. We could save quite a bit of precious energy that way."

"Unacceptable." Neelix glared at the chief of engineering. "If I can't cook, the crew will become even more depressed."

"B'Elanna, would much energy be saved?" The captain broke into thier arguement as she watched Ami pull herself to a standing position around her coffee table.

"Quite a bit."

"Not enough though." Neelix grumbled. "I refuse to allow my kitchen to be shut down."

"Even if we didn't shut it down now," Harry interjected. "It'd have to be soon. We've only got about two weeks more of food staples down in the cargo bays."

"It'll be in the best interest of the ship to reroute power from the mess hall and repair the replicators." Tuvok shifted his foot as Amanda clawed at his pant leg. "Captain, your daughter believes I am a step stool."

"Move your leg."

True to her words, as he moved his foot out of her way, Amanda crawled past him on all fours.

"So is this it? You're closing down my cafeteria?"

"I'm afraid so, Neelix." Janeway answered as sympathetically as she could. "We'll have it up again as soon as we can, but we need the power now."

"But, you can't." He wailed. "What will I do for the next couple months?"

"Bwaah!" Ami shouted in agreement.

"Get some medical training." Tom suggested grabbing his son as O'Wen stepped on Amanda's hand. "We could use a nurse on duty who's not tapping into our power reserves."

Kathryn collected her now-wailing baby as Neelix pointed out that the Doctor was turned off. No one would be able to teach him. "Get some data padds. Sit down in sick bay and read up on them. Whenever someone comes in, you can activate the Doctor and learn as you go." At the sound of her sister's cries, Ami joined.

"I'm going to go shut down the kitchen." B'Elanna declared standing.

"No!" Neelix jumped up. "At least give me until tomorrow morning before you do. That way, the crew can finish some of the left overs."

Janeway nodded. "Let's wait, B'Elanna. One last meal won't hurt."

Neelix quickly began winding his way through the extra cots in Janeway's sitting room that was serving as a conference room/sitting room/bedroom for the officers. "I'm going to go see what can be salvaged without refrideration."

"I will retire now." Seven said standing up.

"Good idea." Kathryn muttered. "It's been a long day for all of us."

Harry gritted his teeth. "Are they going to cry all night again?"

"I certainly hope not." Kathryn snapped out.

"I'm leaving!" Harry jumped up, grabbed his pillow and a blanket from his cot in Janeway's living room and headed for the door. "I'll come back when those kids shut up." He called over the din of Ami, Amanda, and O'Wen hollering.

Mothers collected their children and did their best to calm them. Kathryn juggled both girls in two arms as she headed back to her bedroom after a late night of reviewing reports with the rest of the officers. She, Seven, and B'Elanna had taken the room-- though Seven was threatening to move out if the ruckus grew much more. The only thing stopping her now was Neelix's snoring.

"Hush, hush, little ones." Kathryn crooned to the eight month old infants as she laid Amanda on the bed in order to change Ami's diaper.

B'Elanna's O'Wen was nearing the age of two and calmed down considerably once safe in her arms. Seven grabbed her pillow and headed for the door.

"I will spend this night on your couch."

Kathryn didn't look up. She finished with Ami and now took care of Amanda's diaper. Collecting the two children again, she tried to walk around the room in an effort to calm them. Three cribs and three cots were crowded in. She had removed her large bed in an effort to make more space, but it didn't seem to help much, so she simply stumbled around.

"Let me take one of them." Chakotay stepped into the door way and settled himself on Janeway's cot before holding his arms out for one of the babies.

"I've got it." Kathryn frowned at him. At that moment, Ami chose to wake up again. Arms flailed against her mother as she attempted to explore her tiny world. Chakotay found the infant deposited softly into his waiting arms. Settling back with her on his lap, the inexperienced father tickled his daughter's feet much to her delighted squeals. "Be careful with her."

"He won't hurt her." B'Elanna laughed. "Tom's thrown O'Wen up in the air before. Both of them love it, but I nearly had a heart attack the first time I saw them!"

Chakotay picked up Ami as if to throw her.

"NO!" Kathryn lunged forward to stop them and ended up on the cot.

"Don't worry, I won't." He pulled her to a sitting position against the wall.

"B'Elanna, please don't give him anymore ideas." Kathryn sighed, trying to curl up in her pillow with her arms secure around Amanda.

"Aye, Captain." B'Elanna put O'Wen down for bed and then crawled into her cot. As she dimmed the lights, she nearly missed the loving gaze Chakotay watched over his captain and children with. Almost, but not quite. *They need to be married again* she thought to herself as she drifted off.

Kathryn felt crowded. Her arms were still wrapped around one of her girls, but some else had their arms around her. Forcing her eyes open, she found herself and the twins wrapped in Chakotay's embrace. Pulling away, she sat up and moved Ami and Amanda back to their beds and herself to Seven's empty cot.

Chakotay felt her get up, but didn't protest. When the alarm went off a few minutes later, he was already leaning over the crib of one baby.

"I'll take care of them." Janeway hissed pushing him aside.

"Kay, you can't carry this on forever. I'm their dad and they're going to find out one of these days."

"I can. And I will. They're not going to know that their father is anyone on this ship-- much less you." Lifting Amanda out of the bed, she moved to dress the girl. "Get out, Commander."

Chakotay flinched at her tone of voice as he slowly moved to the door.

Feeling emotionally battered, the commander retreated to his tiny quarters. There were four ensigns living in the confined space, but they were all on duty for the time being. Sinking onto his sofa, Chakotay did his best to not dwell in self pity. He'd divorced a wonderful woman. That in itself was enough to sink him into a depression. What had he been thinking!? He hadn't. Now, he was a father, but not allowed to see his children. Those girls were adorable and looked more like him than they did Kathryn. But, she refused to allow him to help her with the day to day stuff. On extremely rare occasions did she allow him to hold one. Usually, they were kept in her room and allowed around the ship-- wherever he wasn't. To add to it, this Gray Mode the ship was in was becoming old. He was tired of wondering whether the deuterium tank would get them to a planet in time to refuel. Tired of wondering if their next meal would be their last. Tired of wondering if the Vaskens would find them and attack. And frankly, after spending four months living in the same quarters as seven other officers, he was plain exhausted.

"Come to me, all you who are weary and burdened, and I will give you rest." [Matt. 11: 28 NIV]

The words came to him from no where it seemed. They were words meant to comfort, he remembered, but from where?? Probably from that Bible thing, he mused remembering his Bible-Believing friend from the Academy. Unbidden, a smile came to his face. Rachel Anderson. Blond haired, dark blue eyes, athletic, bubbly personality, and always ready with a word of encouragement. She was the picture of contentment. Or, so he had imagined.

Chakotay had asked her out a few times, but she'd politely declined each time. She pursued a friendship with him, but nothing more than that. "It probably wouldn't' have worked out," he muttered to himself. Rachel had been a very religious girl and had encouraged him to come to church with him, which, in an effort to impress her, he had. There, he'd realized that this 'religious' fanatic really was more happy and at peace than the rest of his friends. He'd put the knowledge on a shelf in his mind for later assessment, but never got around to it. Now, he wondered what had happened to her and what her beliefs were.

She had once given him a Bible and begged him to read something called 'John.' Chakotay had made the promise, but never opened it. Was that what had made her happy? Even after her sister was killed in a Cardassian raid, Rachel had never sunk into a depression as he was feeling now.

Wading through the cots and clothing of the junior officers, Chakotay knelt on the floor of his closet. He'd kept the Bible-- it would be here somewhere with the few treasures he'd brought over from his Maquis ship. He'd always thought it looked nice and would make a fine addition to a book collection. Of course, he'd never started the collection and the Book was now lying at the bottom of his closet. Digging past a collection of holoprograms, he found the black volume neatly tucked between a sand painting his father had made and a padd of letters from his mother.

He would make good of that promise now over twenty years old. Curling up in the corner of his closet, Chakotay flipped open the Book. Two columns of words in small text were on either sides of the page. The top of the pages were headed with strange words: Deuteronomy, Ezra, Habakkuk, Malachi, John- wait. There. Wasn't John the name Rachel had asked him to read?? It looked as though the Bible was divided into chapters by the different titles. And then, smaller chapters within. He shrugged. Whatever they were called, he'd start with John.

And so, Chakotay spent the next few hours reading about a man named Jesus, his followers, and the miracles Jesus performed. He was impressed with the amount of love this Jesus showed, the miracles he did, and then, Chakotay read in horror as someone named Judas-- one of Jesus' own disciples-- betrayed him and allowed Him to be led to the cross to die.

Chakotay didn't realize the tears were flowing down his face as he read until one of them dropped onto the page. Carefully, he wiped the water from the page. So, this was what Rachel had found, he thought to himself. A god who had died nearly 2500 years ago. He almost closed the Book-- it was becoming too depressing to continue-- but a subtitle caught his eye for Chapter 20. The Empty Tomb What? Wasn't He dead? Maybe the disciples would steal the body and get revenge against the government. Eagerly reading on, Chakotay found that this was not the case. Jesus was dead for three days. On the third day, He rose from the dead and left the tomb behind. Chakotay's heart soared as he read this. Jesus hadn't stayed dead! He was alive.

I am the way and the truth and the life. No one comes to the Father except through me. [John 14: 6 NIV]

For God so loved the world that he gave his one and only Son, that whoever believes in him shall not perish but have eternal life. [John 3:16 NIV]

Chakotay started. This was what Rachel had found. A life with this Jesus and His Father. He was sure she knew them personally as the reverend at the small church back on Earth had. Closing the Book, he started to lay it down on the floor beside him. Duty would be upon him soon, and he should review the padds from last night. But, the cover fell open again and a hand written note was scrawled on the front cover. Picking it up, Chakotay began to read....

Dear Chakotay, I do not know if you'll read this right after I give it to you, or years down the road. I hope you'll remember to read John and learn about Jesus. I'd like to tell you about Him. He's my best friend. Really. I know it may seem strange that I have a best friend in Someone I can't see, but that's how it is. Four years ago, I made a decision that changed my life. I went to church with my cousin, Paula. She was different from me, I could see that, and I wanted what she had. She told me that I was a sinner-- that I'd sinned before. I told her I'd never killed anyone, or stolen anything. But, she said it didn't matter. If I'd so much as thought a wrong thought to my little brother, it was sin (and goodness knows I used to hate him so!). She told me that anyone who sins can't go to Heaven. I laughed at her and told her that no one could go then. She told me I was right, but God, in all His love for us, provided a way-- His Son. Jesus Christ. See Chakotay, for every little sin we commit, our punishment is the same-- death. Jesus came down to earth and died for us. It's kind of like we're going to be put in jail, but he came and paid the bill so we can go free. Isn't that amazing? I thought so, and I told Paula. She told me I could ask Jesus to pay for my sins too. So, I prayed with her. It was really easy. I simply told Him I knew I was a sinner. That I believed He had come down to Earth to pay for my sins and asked Him to take them away from me. Then, I gave my life to Him. What I mean by that is I told Jesus I'd live every day for Him. After I prayed, I felt a burden lifted from me. All the hate I'd carried around wasn't gone, but it was easier to forgive them. God put a feeling of peace and joy inside me. I hope you'll read this carefully and make the same decision I did. I feel that some day you will. And at the end of this life, my brother, I'll see you in Heaven. Love In Christ, Rachel

I'm a lot worse than her, Chakotay thought to himself. I've hated and killed and lied. God wouldn't want me.

"Chakotay, God loves everyone." Rachel's eyes twinkled merrily. "Even you."

The day before they'd gone to church. Chakotay bent his head. How did one go about praying, he wondered. He thought he was ready to get rid of this sadness inside of him, but how did one go about it?

Just talk to Him.

"Dear Jesus." Chakotay stopped. It sounded funny to his ears in the silence of his closet. Continuing at a mere whisper he said, "I feel kind of silly talking to You after all this time. I know in my heart that Rachel is right. You really do exist. I've denied it for a long time, but I'm ready to stop. I'm sorry I've built up this hate against my father inside of me. Please, help me forgive dad for being so adamant about my not entering Star Fleet." The words tumbled from his mouth and heart as he began. "I believe that You came down to pay for my sins, please take them now. I give my life to you, to do with it what you please. Amen."

As he raised his head, Chakotay felt a weight lift off his shoulders and a feeling of peace settle over him. He would be able to face each new day with an inner strength he never knew existed. No matter what attacked him-- Vaskans, feisty crew members, Kathryn-- he would be able to face them and survive.

Ten Months Into Vasken Space....

"What's wrong with you?!"

Chakotay came to a halt just inside the door of their shared quarters and stopped whisteling. "What are you talking about, Captain?"

Janeway glared at him from where she sat on the floor, surrounded by data padds and baby equipment. "We're in the middle of a crisis with people stepping on each other feelings, systems are barely on-line, we're about to become a floating graveyard if we don't get to a planet soon, and I've done my best to protect the twins from you-- which should have made you depressed in itself-- yet you're still grinning from ear to ear. What is with you?"

Chakotay dropped onto the floor as Amanda crawled over to him. "I'd like to tell you about it." He said, allowing the 10 month old infant to clamor into his lap.

"Ba da ble abla!" The baby protested as Kathryn plucked the her out of his lap.

"What?" She demanded setting the twins both back in their play pen.

"I've found something that's given me a whole new out look on life, Kathryn." Chakotay leaned forward, excitement in his eyes. "I'd like to show you."

Janeway watched with trepidation as he pulled his Bible over to him. "Oh no, you found religon and want to convert me." She muttered, sarcasim dripping from her voice.

"Of all people, you know I wouldn't turn from my spirit guides unless I found Someone even more powerful." Chakotay replied. "I did, Kay. God. Jesus Christ. He's the One who's made me more at peace with myself than I ever have been before. He's even given me a peace about what ever is going to happen to us out here."

She cocked a curious eyebrow at him. "Go on."

"A few months ago, I was feeling lower than I'd ever felt before. You were taking the girls from me, the crew was high strung and ready to snap, the ship was in peices. I found myself in my old quarters and remembered that a friend from the Academy had given me a Bible. I started reading it, and Kay, the stories in there-- about a man named Jesus who came down from Heaven to die for us-- they're all true. I gave my life to Him that day and I haven't been the same ever since."

Yes, Janeway did remember that day. Now that she thought back on it, Chakotay had arrived for duty nearly thirty minutes late, but he'd had so much joy in him, she hadn't even scolded him. It seemed right that if one person had a reason to be happy, not to dimiush it in any way. She thought that it may rub off onto other crew members and relieve some of the meloncoly feelings they had.

"So, you're saying you gave Him your life, and everything's been peachy since then?"

"Not quite." He smiled at her. "I still get upset and depressed when I think of our situation, but it's been a lot smoother two months than the first eight were."

"I'm happy for you, Commander." She sighed. "But right now, it's not for me." She turned a cool eye on him. "I know you want me to break down and turn to your religon, but I can't. I've got too much work to be done to become a religous fanatic." She gathered the half dozen or so data padds strewn about her. "Look at this. Over a weeks' worth of work in one day. And, I'm due on the bridge in forty minutes. I don't have enough time to socialize with the crew and see how they're doing-- much less to devote time to some god I can't see. I don't care if you think you have enough time for that nonsense. As long as you're happy and it doesn't start to interfere with your duties, I don't mind it."

Chakotay felt deflated as she gathered her stuff and allowed Ensign Wilner, the local babysitter, to enter as she left. Meandering over to his cot, Chakotay listened as Andrea took the babies into the other room and played pattycake with them. Kneeling beside his bed, he dropped his head on the blanket and allowed his heart to cry out to his Savior.

"Lord, I wanted so much to share You with her. What happened? Did I say something wrong? Was it not clear enough? Didn't I tell her what You mean to me? Why didn't she listen and see?" He whispered desperatly into the covers as tears slid down his cheeks.

In due time.

The words weren't audible, but Chakotay's heart heard them clearly. In God's time, he reminded himself. Not his. God's perfect timing held everything they'd need. For now, Chakotay must learn patience.

With a small chuckle, he raised his eyes to the ceiling. "I'm sorry, Father. I was a fool to think You'd change her heart right away. Please give me patience while you use me."

"Janeway to Chakotay."

His eyes widened. What would she be calling him for?? "Chakotay here."

"Commander, I want for you to lead an away team down to the planet's surface." Janeway's voice held a note of triumph.

"The planet?"

"We just detected an M-Class planet on our sensors," Janeway's smile rang through her quarters. "It looks like Gray Mode may be over."

"On my way!" Chakotay jumped up and bolted for the door with an extra spring in his step.

"You know the drill." Chakotay instructed his team of seven other officers after they'd materialized on planet side. "Spread out and look for edible vegetation. Also, keep an eye out for that list of mineral deposits we're in need of."

"Aye, aye, Commander!" Neelix gave a mock salute and whipped out his tricorder to begin his own research.

Chakotay fought the urge to laugh at the round Talaxian and instead concentrated on his own efforts. If this planet failed to yeild a certain amount of raw minerals and vegetables, they were going to be doomed.

Either way, he had to admit it was a nice place for a visit. The planet was on the very outside of it's galaxy and it's natural heat source was not from that of a sun. Sensors had indicated that the molten center was what actually kept the air on the surface at a reasonable tempeture--the molten lava was also what prevented their scanners from detecting the different type of minerals on the surface. There was virtually no difference between night and day except for the position of the distant stars. The plants here were not green in color as they had no need for cholorplast. Instead, they created a variety of different reds, purples, blues, and yellows as they dotted the landscape. Chakotay figured that the plants made their food by heat source instead of direct energy from the sun. Not unheard of, but certainly unusual.

Even more strange was the amount of fawna. Every where they turned, an animal could be seen creeping through the bushes while watching the planet's newest visitors. Chakotay would have thought the fawna would have been limited due to the amount of natural light, but it appeared to be the opposite. They flourished. Nonaggressive, small, mammal, rabbit-like creatures stared at him.

Chakotay shifted uncomfortably. They three watching him scurried away with an amount of chittering. He figured they weren't sentient and simply curious.

"Commander! Over here!"

His head came up sharply at the sound of Ensign Jarvis' voice calling him. Jogging over to the young woman, he carefully avoided the animals as they skittered out of his path.

"Look." She thrust the tricorder at him proudly. "Deuterium crystals. In a cave about five kilometers from here."

"Good work." Chakotay quickly contacted Janeway and informed her of the discovery.

"I'll have Tom's crew check it out," Janeway stated. "You stay where you are and get the food."

"Aye, Captain. Chakotay out."

Jarvis looked slightly crestfallen at the decision. "I'll keep gathering these tubular roots, sir." She mumbled reopening her sack.

"Jacquelyn. You did a good job." Chakotay laid a hand on her shoulder.

"I know, sir. But, I wanted to be there." She brushed a strand of blond hair from her face.

"I understand." He smiled at her. "Maybe next time."

"Maybe."

Moving off towards another clump of bushes, Chakotay briefly wondered how the other teams were doing. Toms' would be at the caves by now and Tuvok's on the ocean to harvest some of the marine animals they had discovered. He didn't envy B'Elanna's teams which had been transported to the most likely of all places to contain precious minerals-- which happened to be experiencing harsh rain according to their sensors.

With a sigh, he dropped to the ground and began digging in the soft earth to free the plants before tossing them in the sack he carried with him. When he'd first thought of joining Starfleet, he didn't think he'd spend the rest of his life hunting for food and harvesting it like a farmer. He'd been wrong.

"We've got enough here to last us over a year!" Neelix waved his arms around the cargo bay which was growing steadily more crowded as deckhands continued to beam more crates of vegatables to the ship.

Janeway carefully pulled the Talaxian back over the 'white line'-- a line actually painted onto the floor so that the transporter crews could work while people wandered in and out of the cargo bay without the worries of crates of food materialize on top of a person. "How many months?"

"How many months?"

"Yes," Janeway nodded. "It's going to be at least fourteen months until the next planet stop. We've got to make sure that we have enough."

Neelix glanced around. "If we fill this bay and cargo bay 2, we should have enough to make it."

"I'll inform Seven it's time to move into a set of quarters." Janeway smiled.

"That it is, Captain. It is most certainly time for her to move into her own quarters. Perhaps she'll make more friends if she's living in closer proximity to other officers. Either way, don't put her any where near my quarters. I don't think I could take her coming and going late in the evening like she does."

"Why is the chronometer flashing?"

B'Elanna turned and found her captain had just entered engineering. Following her eyes, they landed on the main console. The upper left hand corner, which usually contained the dull red glow of the ship's chronometer was flashing a bright red.

"Kah'less!" Torres exclaimed. "Carey! Get that chronometer reset!" She turned to back to the frazzled looking captain. "Spend the morning with Neelix?"

Janeway sighed at B'Elanna. "What makes it so obvious? And how does our power supply look?"

"I think we've got enough deuterium and to last us for over a year. Seven! Get me that read out of the collected minerals! And, Captain, you look more exhausted than if you'd just spent the day chasing after the twins." B'Elanna laughed

Janeway joined her. "We're going to have to move Seven to her own quarters. Neelix kindly informed me to not put her near him." Janeway's eyes twinkled. "After the past few months of sharing my quarters, I think the senior officers may know each other a little too well."

"What do you mean, Captain?" Tom feigned innocence as he came up behind them. "Doesn't the rest of the ship know how loud you can snore?"

"I do not snore, Tom Paris. At least," she muttered. "Not any worse than you."

"According to the latest records, we have enough stored energy to last 1.7 years." Seven handed B'Elanna a data padd. "Mr. Paris does not snore."

"See!" Tom grinned triumphantly.

"He walks in his sleep."

Everyone laughed at the discouraged look that crossed his face. "At least I don't have bizarre habits of working in the middle of the night." He shot back.

"The officers are starting to look at you guys funny." Harry joined the slowly growing circle of senior officers. "What put you guys in such a good mood, anyways?"

"You guys are leaving my quarters." Janeway grinned. "I'm going to have two whole rooms for myself again.

"Yourself and two crying children." Harry laughed. "I, for one, am more than ready to vacate your quarters."

"Me too."

"And I'm ready to kick you out."

1.5 Years Into Vasken Space...

"Captain?"

"In here!"

Chakotay looked around the quarters that, after eight months of not having the senior staff living in them, still seemed larger and more spacious than they ever had been. Of course, baby proofing the room hadn't helped. Kathryn had become more willing to allow him near the twins, for which he was thankful. They had even come to a sort of unspoken truce agreement. He was allowed to be with them each evening as both senior officers worked on the various reports that streamed in during the afternoon shift. It wasn't as much time as Chakotay would have liked, but it was a start. And, even better to him, the girls knew his face. Though, Kathryn called him 'Uncle Chakotay' to the girls as she did with all the other crew members.

"I came to drop off that data report you wanted from astrometrics." Chakotay wandered toward the sound of her voice. "How are the girls doing?"

"They're fine. And thanks for the padd." Kathryn called from the other room where she was up to her elbows in bubbles. A sharp gasp followed by twin squeals caused Chakotay to call out to her.

"You ok?"

"Fine." She replied tightly, a smile dancing over her features.

Chakotay wandered through the bedroom and into the bathroom. He poked his head in the door and burst out laughing as Amanda threw another handful of water in her mother's direction. Kathryn grimaced at the baby was she wiped the soapy water from her face. "No, Manda." She rebuked the girl witha soft smile.

Amanda's eyes lit up at the sight of Chakotay and she began to bounce up and down as she splashed in her bath. "Yi yi yi yi!!"

"Bwaaa!!" Ami agreed grabbing the wash cloth and sticking it in her mouth.

"Girls!" Kathryn burst out laughing from her hunched position by the side of the tub. "Thanks, Chakotay."

"Anytime." He knelt beside the tub and splashed a handful of water at his daughters.

Both twins shrieked with laughter as a flurry of arms and legs created more water movement than their mother was ready to deal with. Reaching behind her, Kathryn grabbed a towel and quickly wrapped Amanda in it and handed her to Chakotay.

"Hold her." She instructed collecting Ami in another fluffy towel.

"Gladly." Chakotay picked up the tot and carried her into their mother's bedroom where the cribs were. "How have you been lately, Manda Panda?" He asked her in a serious voice.

"Bear." Amanda answered just as seriously.

"You want your teddy bear?" Chakotay looked around the room. "Oh, Mister Bear." He sang out. "Where did you go, Mister Bear?"

Kathryn smothered a smile as she laid Ami down on the changing table. "I think he's in the sitting room somewhere."

"It's a plot." Chakotay whispered to the baby in his arms. "She's just trying to get rid of me."

Kathryn laughed. "Fine. Stay here. See what happens when she doesn't get her teddy."

"Bear! Bear! Bear!" Amanda shouted.

"I think I know what happens." Chakotay laughed with her. "Ok, Manda Panda. Let's find Mister Bear."

"I'm about done with Ami. After you get the bear, bring her back here and you can hunt down Mister Blankie."

"Yes, ma'am."

"On second thought, will you look over that report in the top desk drawer? I wanted to talk to you about that before we start anything else."

"Sure." Chakotay easily laid Amanda on the changing table as Ami was put on the floor to roam.

Rumaging in her desk drawer, Chakotay withdrew the Doctor's report and sat down on the sofa. It seemed as though the majority of the junior officers were becoming more and more negligant in their bi-annual check ups.

"How is my, Manda?" Janeway leaned over the changing table and tickled her daughter's feet.

Amanda squeled at her mother which caused Ami to look up.

"Ma-ma!" Ami exclaimed holding her arms up to Kathryn. She reached down and picked up the girl as the twins started their babbling baby talk. Finally, she sat Ami back down on the floor and turned back to Amanda's night clothes while she talked to her.

"Um,....Kathryn?"

"Yes?" What was in the report to cause that tone of voice, she wondered.

"Could you come here? I think you should see this." A note of controlled laughter. Kathryn gathered Amanda in her arms and scooted to the door. The sight that greeted her caused her jaw to drop open in laughter.

Ami had managed to pull her night gown off and left it in her trail of stuffed animals. With Mister Blankie in one hand and her diaper pulled down to an ankle, she solomnly regarded Chakotay.

Chakotay laughed and started to walk towards her.

"Da-da!" Ami squealed holding her arms up to him.

Father froze in shock. Both parents' eyes widened as they locked with one another's.

"I swear, Kathryn. I didn't teach her that." Chakotay choked out.

"I know." She whispered, still stunned. "You never had the opportunity to."

After a moment, Chakotay moved forward and picked up the confused toddler.

"Da-da." Ami insisted patting him on the cheek.

"No, Ami. Uncle Chakotay." Kathryn told her daughter.

"No-no. Da-da. Da-da. Da-da."

"Da-da!"

Kathryn jumped as Amanda joined the chant. "Commander, I think it would be best if you left."

Chakotay looked distraught at the thought of leaving his girls now. Taking a shaky breath, he handed Ami back to her mother. "Kathryn, I want them to know."

A second later, the doors closed behind him and her twins burst into tears as their shouts for 'Da-da' grew louder.

"Life support is failing on decks four, eight, and eleven!"

"Phasers are having no effect on their shields, Captain."

"I'm losing helm control!"

Janeway blindly reached out for the rail as yet another explosion rocked her ship.

"The bulkhead in the mess hall has failed!" Harry exclaimed, fear evident in his voice. "Emergency forcefield holding, but I'm getting word of major injuries."

"The Doctor will have to handle that," Janeway snapped. "We've got to hold the ship together long enough to evade them and get out of this."

At that moment, B'Elanna tumbled out of a jeffries tube. "Communications, turbolifts, and transporters are down!" she barked out. "And I wouldn't try warp anything."

"How long before warp drive is on-line?" Janeway asked.

B'Elanna started to answer, but found herself bracing her feet against a console and her backside against the wall as the ship lurched again. "I don't know," she finally snapped out. "If I can get to the engineering console, maybe a few minutes. The power cable was severed so I just have to reroute energy."

"Do it." Janeway muttered through clenched teeth as she pushed her short hair out of her face.

"Captain," Tom's hands fought to regain control of navigation even as he spoke. "If I may make a suggestion?"

"Speak, Mr. Paris."

"Hit an' run."

"Pardon me?" Chakotay cast an incredulous glance at the helm officer. "Is that some sort of 20th century jargon?"

"You bet! Hit them so they can't move, and then we make a run for it!"

Tuvok cocked an eyebrow. "Most unconventional and simply a way to avoid the conflict until it arises again. But, perhaps useful in this case."

"My thoughts exactly." Kathryn grinned. "Let's do it. B'Elanna-"

"Give me five minutes and I can give you warp four."

"Good enough." Janeway nodded.

"Tuvok, you take out their engines and I'll take care of running the ship out of here." Tom grinned.

"I thought you barely had helm control." Harry raised his voice from his ops panel.

"Exactly." Tom flashed his old friend a smile. "That's where the challenge lies."

Janeway saw Harry draw in a deep breath before she turned to Chakotay. He'd been watching her, she realized. He'd been watching her the whole time, probably. Offering him a tiny smile, she waited until he hesitantly returned it before moving her eyes back to the view screen.

It'd been three weeks since he'd been to her quarters. Two weeks since he'd seen his daughters. She'd made the mistake of bringing the twins to the messhall for dinner one evening. The instant she'd walked through the door, the girls were wriggling in her arms and demanding to be put down. With no choice but to comply or drop them, she had gently set them down and then watched as they toddled as fast as they could to Chakotay while shouting "da-da!"

The other officers there had been amazed as Chakotay turned and scooped them up. It was that night Kathryn learned he could tell the difference between them better than she. They had eaten the meal together, since she didn't want to make a scene, but from that point on, Kathryn had been very careful to not show up with the girls anywhere Chakotay may be. And she--

"Captain, we're ready now." B'Elanna's voice brought Janeway back to the present.

Giving herself a mental shake, Kathryn turned to Tuvok. "Take out their engines, Lieutenant. Tom, be ready to make a run for it."

"Aye, Captain."

A yellow burst of phaser brightened the view screen as it hit its mark. Before Janeway could blink, Tom had hit the helm controls to engage warp. Briefly, their external hull shuddered due to the close proximity which they passed the other ship, but then Voyager was free.

Janeway sighed and sank back into her chair. Opening her eyes again, she cast a glance back to Harry's station. "Report." She tried to sound strong, but feared her weakness shone through instead.

"Decks one and fourteen are the only ones functioning with normal power status. Engineering, hydroponics, and sickbay have partial power. The rest of the ship is without power. Life support has failed on decks two, three, and eight. People are evacuating."

Janeway felt her heart stop. Her girls were in her quarters on deck three!

A movement at her elbow caught her attention. "I'll go." A choked up Chakotay quickly made his way to the jeffries tube before she could utter a syllable in protest.

Tom hid a smile as he turned back to his navigational controls. "The Vaskens aren't following."

"They can't." Harry grinned. "Seems your idea worked, Tom."

"I knew it would." Tom replied with a bit of his old cockiness edging into his voice.

"Enough, Mr. Paris." Janeway turned back to Harry. "How long before repairs are done?"

Harry shook his head at the console. "I'm not sure, Captain. Besides losing power, we've got three decks open to space. Force fields are in place for now, but...."

Janeway nodded. Who knew how long they'd hold out with their power supplies draining. "Find a planet. Any M-Class planet will have to do. On second thought, broaden that to include G-class planets too. As long as we can breathe the atmosphere, vegetation and food will have to be a second issue. As soon as we find one, we'll land and see about getting repairs done in a much quicker fashion."

"Aye, Captain." Harry tapped the information into the console. "There's a G-Class planet about one month's journey from here. Small, no life except primitive bacteria. Though, there appears to be water and harsh thunder storms."

"Wonderful. Vacation on twenty first century Mars." Janeway muttered referring to the planet in the Alpha Quadrant which, while it had had a decent atmosphere, still had difficulty producing anything more than small plants on the terrain outside the gardens. "Lay in a course."

"Aye, Captain." Tom responded.

Janeway nodded once to Tuvok to indicate he had the bridge before retreating to her ready room. There would be reports coming in at an astronomical rate and she needed to read each and every one of them.

Downloading the first report from sickbay into a data padd, Janeway wandered around her ready room as she read it. Two crew members had died when they lost the hull in the mess hall-- Ensign Powell and Crewman Rogers. Fourteen were seriously injured due to explosions and losing other sections of Voyager's hull. Twenty six had been minorly injured. And Seven of Nine refused to go to sickbay even though the Doctor knew she was injured.

Beep.

"Come." Janeway turned to the doorway as Chakotay stepped inside and deposited their children on the floor just inside.

"Girls!" Kathryn ran to them where the small family enjoyed a three way hug. Tears shone in her eyes as she looked up at Chakotay. "Thank you." She whispered.

Chakotay brushed a wisp of hair from her face. "Anytime."

"Careful, Amanda," Kathryn cautioned her daughter as she toddled quickly over the sandy landscape of what they had nicknamed "New Mars."

"It's only sand." Her companion countered.

She wrinkled her nose at him but laughed as Ami tripped over her own two feet and sat down in the soft sand. Two pudgy hands were placed down and sank deeper. Ami shouted with laughter and looked back at her mother.

"Ma-ma!" she shouted. "Look!" Pushing her hands deeper, she turned back to her mother for encouragement.

Kathryn could only laugh at the young child with dark curls tumbling over her forehead and brown eyes nothing like her own. "I can see that, honey. You're making a mess!"

"Me! Me!" Amanda knelt down by her sister and pushed her own hands in the sand.

"Yes, you're making a mess too, Manda." Janeway scooted over to her twins and buried her own hands in the sand. "Come on, Tuvok! At least come over here!"

Chakotay stopped outside the shuttle bay to allow his eyes time to adjust to the light from the binary stars so far away. They were no where near the intensity of Earth's sun, but they provided enough light to blind him after being in Voyager's caves for a few hours. Not one hundred meters away, he could see his captain and chief of security kneeling beside his daughters. Tuvok appeared to simply be resting his hands on his knees, but Kathryn had buried her wrists in the soft reddish colored sand.

The first officer felt his heart constrict in sadness as he listened to her laughter ring over the desolate wasteland. Both of his girls shouted in response to their mother, but his eyes weren't on the girls. They were on Kathryn. Her reddish brown hair had grown past her shoulders again and the suns picked up the highlights beautifully as it danced over her hair. Her slim form had discarded the tattered uniform in favor of civilian clothes, as had most of the crew. And right now, the blue pants and cream shirt she wore only served to accent her beauty.

"Da-da!"

Kathryn turned sharply to see what, or rather who, Amanda was staring at over her shoulder. Chakotay. Of course.

"Hello Captain. Lieutenant." Chakotay greeted them as he jogged over. "And hello to you too, Manda Panda." He swung the two year old into the air as she reached to him for a hug. Completely happy to oblige, he gave her a tight squeeze and then turned to her sister. "Ami darling, how are you doing?"

"Da-da!" Ami grinned at him. Then, she shoved her hand at him. "San'." She told him proudly opening the hand to display a small amount of the reddish crystals.

"Yes, that's sand." Chakotay smiled. "Kathryn, have you taught them how to build a sand castle?"

"Really, Chakotay. When would I have time for that?"

"Right now." Ignoring the daggers shooting from his ex-wife's eyes and the amused look from Tuvok, Chakotay dropped to his knees and began pushing and shaping the sand into a mound.

"Commander, I fail to see what this activity has to do with-"

"It's for fun, Tuvok." Chakotay accepted a small handful from Ami. "My girls are going to learn how to have fun."

"Your girls?"

Chakotay looked up and met Kathryn's sharp blue eyes. "Yes, my girls. As in ours."

"Your girls!" Ami jumped up and toddled over to her father and plopped down in his lap. Twisting in his lap, she clung to his worn tunic. "Dada. You my dada."

Kathryn reached over and plucked the two year old from his lap before collecting Amanda, hands still full of sand, and turning back towards Voyager. "Meet me in my ready room in half an hour, Commander." She snapped out.

"I do not know what kind of stunt you were trying to pull out there, but I don't appreciate it!"

Chakotay didn't dare breathe. Captain Janeway, back in uniform and hair pulled back into that awful bun, stood mere inches from him and glowered at his face. For someone so petite, she had more punch in her style of intimidation than anyone he knew, he thought to himself.

She was rambling again. He'd let himself get lost in thinking of the powerful picture she portrayed, but she had ignored his glassed over eyes and was threatening to have Tuvok throw him in the brig or confine him to his quarters if he didn't stop trying to interfere with the lives of her children. Her children. He didn't miss the slight stress she put on the word. Or the way her eyes shone when she merely thought of them. They were her life, he realized. He no longer was a part of it, but they were the world to her. Not only did her eyes come alive, but her face took on an entirely new animated look. Her eyebrows rose in amusement more often, her lips turned up in a smile more, and her nose would wrinkle teasingly at whoever found themselves the center of her attention. Thinking of those kids quite simply put her in a better mood. Though, not right now. She was breath taking to watch, Chakotay decided. Her hands fluttered in annoyance as her voice rose and fell in pitch. Dark brows lowered over her flashing blue eyes as she continued her lecture.

"You're so beautiful, even when you're angry."

Kathryn stopped in mid-threat and stared at her first officer. "Excuse me?"

You always have to put your foot in your mouth, don't you, Chakotay thought to himself. He'd certainly not meant for the words to be spoken. Well, the deed was done. "I said you're beautiful."

Her eyes narrowed even further. "If you think you're going to try to sweet talk me into-"

"No, Captain. I didn't even mean to say it out loud." He turned away and looked out the view port. "Nevermind. Continue your ramble."

Chakotay didn't' look at her for fear of the hate and malice he'd see in her eyes. A pause. A hand gently tugged at his chin to bring his face around to look at her again.

Blue eyes smiled at him with a hint of something else. Annoyance? No, not quite. Close maybe, but not quite. Love? Definitely not. Maybe in another lifetime.... No, the emotion was amusement. She's laughing at me!, Chakotay realized with a start. Jerking his face out of her grasp he turned away. "Glad to see you find me humorous, Captain."

Janeway's heart constricted. The pain was too raw in his voice to be hid. Anyone who had been in the room would have been able to see it, but luckily they were alone. "Chakotay, I'm not laughing at you. I'm laughing at me." She looked down at her feet, when she returned her eyes to his face, she found his hooded gaze piercing through her. "I...I was laughing because you interrupted my rant and now I see how silly it sounded."

Chakotay merely nodded at her. Then, he turned on his heel and leaned against her desk. "Is your lecture over then?"

Kathryn gave a short nod of her head. Then, she shook it quickly. She nodded again and then shook her head again before throwing her hands up. "I honestly don't know." Dropping onto her sofa, she looked up at him. "At first, I was against the idea of the twins even knowing who their father was. Now," she hesitated. "I wouldn't mind if they knew, but I want to be the one to tell them. I don't want them growing up with the assumption that you're their father because sooner or later questions will come. Like, why don't' we live together? O'Wen's parents do. Why don't' you and I take them places together and celebrate holidays together? And, the worst one, do I love you?"

"Do you?"

The question, whispered so softly, caught Kathryn off guard. "Yes." She whispered without thinking. Time froze. Had she really just said that? Apparently so.

Chakotay nodded once as tears gathered behind his eyes. No. He would not cry here. Not now. A time to mourn. Ecclesiastes. The words from the passage he'd read just that morning came rushing back at him. Yes, there was a time for everything. And the time to weep for what could have been was not now.

"I....I didn't mean to say that." Kathryn's voice only wavered a tiny bit. Hopefully, she thought to herself, he wouldn't notice. But, his eyes said he did. Of course he would. He was Chakotay. The one person who knew her better than she knew herself.

"Of course." He nodded, his disappointment shining in his eyes. A long silence ensued, only to be broken by the captain.

"I want for you to be a part of their lives."

Eyes darted up to meet hers again. "Pardon me?"

"I want you to be there." Kathryn took a deep breath. "Truth is, if anything ever happens to me, I want them to have someone else." She shook her head as if praying that it'd never happen. "You're the obvious choice. And, I'd want you to have them if something happened to me. Not before." The warning tone made him smile.

"Yes, Captain."

Kathryn grinned at the way he sassed her with tone while addressing her with respect. "You are a very bad man, Chakotay."

He reached out and cupped her chin. "So I've been told." His eyes challenged her to meet the remark. She glanced away, but didn't pull her chin from his grasp. It was he, instead, who let her go.

"What was it you came outside for?"

All hints of flirtatious behavior vanished. "We're ready to return to space."

Harry Kim had been staring at the ready room door where the commander and captain had been for the past half hour. Commander Chakotay had left the bridge an hour ago to tell the captain they were ready, but the pair had come back madder than a cheated Ferengi. Maybe he should mention something to Tuvok. It could actually be considered a safety hazard after they way they'd been glaring at one another. Casting a quick glance at the chief of security, he saw that the dark skinned Vulcan was watching the ready room door out of the corner of his eye.

Swish.

Heads across the bridge snapped back to their tasks as eyes peered into any glassy surface they could to gauge the moods of the senior most officers.

"I've been informed that we are ready to resume our journey." Janeway placed her hands on her hips and surveyed the bridge crew. Harry had obviously snapped back to his console-- he still had the look of wandering eyes as he glanced around at the latest information spilling in. Tom's eyes met hers in the enameled black surface of his console. He quickly glanced away. There were other crew members and deck hands kneeling at panels around the bridge. Most were doing their tasks they had been assigned to and were only paying minimal attention to her and her first officer.

"That is correct, Captain." Tuvok, the calm and reliable one in the center of the storm, answered.

"Have all personnel returned to the ship?"

"Affirmative." Harry's voice sounded a tad bit squeakier than normal.

Janeway turned to him with a slight smile. "Relax, Harry. I don't bite."

"Aye, Captain." Kim made a slight attempt to look more relaxed at his post, but failed miserably. This was worse than the first time he'd set foot on Voyager, he decided.

"Helm, lay in a course for the next planet. Warp.....two."

"Kathryn?"

"Hello!"

Taking her pleased sounding voice as a good sign, Chakotay hesitantly stepped into her quarters and allowed the doors opening from the corridor to slide shut. "Where are you?"

"Right here." A hand popped around something than resembled an evergreen tree.

"Umm. If I may inquire. Why is there a tree in your quarters?" Chakotay peered around the tree as Kathryn crawled into view.

"Christmas." She stated simply as Amanda grabbed a handful of popcorn and tried to shove about fifty kernels of the popped treat into her mouth. Picking up the girl, she faced her towards Chakotay. "Look who's here. Go say hello to Uncle Chakie."

The two year old furrowed her brow at her mother and looked between the two adults. Picking up another handful of pop corn, she stuck a piece in her mouth and proceeded towards her father and push a piece in his mouth.

"Pow' corn." She informed him. "My pow'corn."

Chakotay accepted the snack and laughed as he hugged her. "Yes, Manda Panda. Your popcorn."

Holding the young girl, Chakotay watched as her mother threaded a needle and reached for a kernel. "Don't just stand there, Chakotay. Make yourself useful."

Raising an eyebrow, he dropped to sit on the floor beside Kathryn and took the needle she handed him.

"You do know how to make popcorn strands, right?" She asked suddenly as her eyes met his.

"I think I can figure it out." He grinned easily back at her.

Kathryn's eyes didn't move from his. Her heart pounded a beat faster as he reached over and took a kernel-- his hand brushing hers. She lifted an eyebrow. The bowl was plenty big for both of their hands, he had done that intentional.

"Sorry," he whispered softly.

She shook her head at him. "Deceitful man." She teased.

"No," his hands smoothly pinned the popcorn as he moved them down the thread. "If I was deceitful, I'd not tell you why I was here."

"Go ahead."

"Neelix wants to have a party for Christmas. He's getting the idea moral is down." Chakotay glanced around the quarters brimming with Christmas trimmings. "I think the crew would enjoy having it here."

"Not on your life! That's got to be the lamest excuse I've heard yet from you to get me to work less!" She laughed. A silvery laugh, Chakotay thought to himself. It was wonderful to hear it, and even more pleasant because he had evoked it. "Anyways, I'm no sure I want a party right now. The crew does need to concentrate on their duties."

"Then, why are you doing this?" A small gesture with his strong hand caught Janeway looking around.

"The girls." She answered simply. "I want them to know about Christmas."

"Do you realize what it's celebrating?"

Janeway refused to meet his eyes after the quiet spoken question. Determined to appear at least as strong and in control of her emotions as he was, she answered. "I'm quite comfortable with celebrating Christmas without going into details about the birth of this Savior of yours, Chakotay."

"I want to tell you more about 'this Savior of mine' someday, Kathryn."

She shook her head allowing the strands to fall over her shoulder. "No." She whispered. "I have to be strong for the crew. If I became some religious fanatic.....well, it'd be awful."

"Not so awful." He countered bringing a hand up to push the brown tresses back over her shoulder. "They haven't rejected me yet. A few have been disappointed," he admitted. "And B'Elanna did come down to my office and yell at me for over an hour. But, the majority have seen a difference in me. A few," he ventured. "Have even asked about it."

"Has anyone accepted it?"

"Yes." Chakotay didn't' know when their hands had found each others', but he gave hers a squeeze before continuing. "Right now, Ensigns Wilner and Jarvis, and Lieutenant Vek meet with me every morning for Bible study. I'm also counseling Ensign Gallagher. I think she'll come to make a decision any day now."

Janeway gave a brief nod and with drew her hand. "That's great and all for you. Maybe someday-"

"Mama!!!"

Both heads snapped around and out of their daze as they turned. Dropping her needle and partially threaded popcorn, Janeway jumped up to break up the fight her girls had gotten into over a rag doll. "Girls!" she exclaimed pulling the toy away. Twin eyes instantly dropped as though they were ashamed of their fighting. "No fighting. Be good." She knelt down to their level and eyed them carefully. She didn't want to scare them, but they needed to understand that fighting would not be tolerated. "Be good." She emphasized again.

"Me good." Ami whispered.

"Me too. Me good." Amanda agreed.

"Good girls." Kathryn pulled them into a quick hug and then turned back to Chakotay who had watched the scene with fascination. "They're growing up, Chakotay."

"I can see." He smiled softly. It was a wistful smile, Kathryn saw. He was sad to see them growing up without him. She turned her eyes away from him. What could she do?

"Tell Neelix to go ahead with that party."

Kathryn stifled a yawn as she made her way from her bedroom to the twins' room. The Christmas party had gone on late last night, but everyone had had a good time. Now, it was Christmas morning and the girls, as usual, were up before her chronometer. "Good morning my little princesses." She tiptoed inside hoping that possibly one may still be asleep. No such luck.

Ami pressed her face to the bars on her crib and peered up at her mother with sad brown eyes. "Out," she whimpered slightly.

Her sister wasn't quite as docile about her demands. "Me want out!" Amanda exclaimed, her own brown eyes darting around with excitement as she shook the bars confining her.

"Ok, ok." Kathryn laughed at the girls as she lifted Amanda up and set her on the floor. Immediately, the toddler was running out the door with her teddy dragging behind her. Ami, a little more slow to wake up in the mornings, snuggled into Kathryn's neck and wrapped a tiny arm around her mother's neck while the other thumb found its way to her mouth.

Kathryn followed Amanda to the sitting room where she found the two year old poking through the gifts. Ami instantly began squirming to get down and mother set her daughter down to watch as they dove among the packages.

"Come here, Manda." Kathryn knelt down besides the girls and pulled a package to her. "This is for you."

Amanda look at her mother with wide eyes and then, with a delighted shriek, tore into the papers. The distraught look on Ami's face nearly made Kathryn laugh.

"Don't worry, sweetie." She pulled another box towards the other girl. "I've got a few for you too."

A flurry of papers and ribbons followed as the girls tore into the gifts under the tree. The twins were more interested in the papers than they were the gifts, but Kathryn knew that in a few months they'd love the dolls, puzzles, and fat picture books.

As the last of the gifts were unwrapped, Kathryn stood to get herself some coffee and some juice for the girls. But, Ami, now fully awake, crawled under the tree and drug another gift out.

"Mama?" she asked hesitantly, but looking as though she wanted to tear into the papers and make another mess of ribbons and tape.

"Let me see that one," Kathryn pulled the gift towards her. It was addressed to Ami, from Santa. Kathryn felt her heart constrict. It was from Chakotay. She'd know that handwriting anywhere. Peering under the tree, she found a similar box from him. And, buried in the skirt of the tree was a smaller box-- for her.

Well, was there any harm in letting him give them a gift? After all, they'd all spent the evening together last night.

"Ami, here's another one for you. You too, Manda." She watched as the girls pried off the paper and shouted with ecstasy as it rained back down on them. Ami was the first to get the box open. Janeway watched in surprise as a stuffed replica of her dog, Bear, was tugged out by her ears.

"Doggie!" Ami said proudly holding up the pup with a bright purple ribbon around her neck.

"Doggie!" Amanda echoed pulling out an identical dog with a yellow ribbon.

"What that?" Ami pushed herself off the floor and came to her mother to point at the box Kathryn still held in her hands.

"I..I don't know." She grinned up at the girls quickly so they wouldn't see her discomfort. "Let's find out." Taking a bit more care with the wrapping, she pulled the paper off the box. Inside, she found something wrapped in tissue paper. As she pulled the tissue paper away, a porcelain version of Bear fell into her waiting hand. "Oh!" she gasped in surprise.

"Pretty." Amanda said reaching out a hand to touch.

"No." Kathryn closed her hands over the dog as she met her daughters' eyes. "Not a toy. Can not touch."

Ami regarded her mother solemnly. "No touch." She agreed. Then, she grabbed her dog by the ears and shouted, "Bowgie!"

"Bowgie?" Kathryn asked. "Is that what you're going to call her?"

Ami nodded and shoved the dog towards her mother. "Bowgie. Kiss Bowgie, Mama."

Kathryn laughed, but dropped a kiss on the dog's nose. "What are you going to call your doggie, Manda?"

"Brownie." Amanda answered seriously.

Janeway stepped out of the turbolift a few hours later and immediately headed to her office. "Commander."

Chakotay chanced a glance at her. Was she mad? No, it didn't' seem like it. Standing, he nodded to Tuvok confirming who had the bridge before he followed Janeway.

Kathryn took a deep breath as the doors swished shut behind them. "Why did you do that?" she finally asked. "And how?"

Chakotay mistook her tone for annoyance and immediately defended himself. "The girls never knew who 'Santa' was, so you don't have to worry. And I used my over ride commands after the party."

"Chakotay, no." Kathryn turned instantly as she realized what he was thinking. "I'm not angry with you."

Relief washed over him as she said those few words. "You're not?"

"No. Not really." She smiled wryly. "I'm not too happy that you were able to sneak in my quarters without me knowing, but I'm not angry."

"You sleep like a log, Kathryn. Nothing short of a full scale battle could wake you."

She glared at him, but a grin played at the corners of her lips.

"Just smile," he teased her. "You know you want to."

She laughed outright at him then. "Next time, could you give me a bit of a warning?"

"Next time? So, you'll allow it?" A smile spread across his features. "As long as you get a gift too, right?"

She cocked an eyebrow at him. "Watch yourself, Commander."

"Oh, I always watch my steps around you, sweetie." He countered.

She simply raised the other eyebrow at him. "I'll allow you to give them gifts provided that it remains as 'Santa."

"Good decision." He winked at her as he turned towards the door. "Can I assume that you're done with this lecture?"

"No." She watched as he turned back. Taking a quick step over to him, she reached up and pecked his cheek before she could think about it. "Thanks for the dog," she whispered. "I love it."

Chakotay felt his heart pounding as he remembered that morning. They had teased each other like old times, he laughed out loud while stretching his long frame over his bed. And she had kissed him. Kissed him! Ok, not quite a real kiss, but those lips had touched his cheek.

With a heady sigh, Chakotay flung his arms out and took a deep breath. His left hand hit something hard. Grasping it, he realized it was the Bible he had spent a month's worth of repilcator rations on. To actually be able to hold the Book was worth it though. Pulling himself to lie on his side, he wondered what God would say to him this time. Not really thinking about where he was going to read, Chakotay flipped open the book and stared at the subtitles. He was in 2 Corinthians, around chapters five and six. A sudden heading sprung from the pages. Do Not Be Yoked With Unbelievers

With a feeling of dread in the pit of his stomach, Chakotay began to read.

Do not be yoked together with unbelievers. For what do righteousness and wickedness have in common? Or what fellowship can light have with darkness? What harmony is there between Christ and Belia? What does a believer have in common with an unbeliever? [2 Corinthians 6:14-15] (NIV)

Chakotay choked back a sob. Did that passage say what he thought it said? Did it really say that he should not pursue the mother of his children because she wasn't a Christian? A single tear edge past his guard. No! God couldn't possible be demanding this of him! The dam burst. Tears flowed freely down his cheeks as he pushed the Book away from him and found his pillow.

Why would God allow Janeway to have such a cold heart towards him for two years, then to turn suddenly. And the same day that she seems to possibly open up to him a bit, he finds these verses?

My will, not yours.

Chakotay gasped suddenly and sat up. Who was there?! The voice had seemed so clear he thought someone had been in his room and said the words. It was God, he realized. God was speaking to his heart.

"Fine, God." He whispered angrily. "I'll follow you because I know you have a better and bigger plan. But, please, allow Kathryn to see You and realize You are real."

Turning back to the pillow, Chakotay buried his face in it as he poured out his soul to his Heavenly Daddy and cried his eyes dry.

"Hello my little angles." Kathryn bent down beside her girls and smiled at them as they turned to her.

"Mommy!" Ami exclaimed pushing the red crayon away and reaching up for a hug. Mother was quick to obliged and gave both girls hugs.

"Captain?"

She turned quickly to look up at Andrea Wilner standing behind her. "Yes?"

"I've got something you may need to see." Wilner turned back to a stack of papers that they children had been coloring all day. "I had the groups draw a picture of their family," she began. "It was going to be a surprise for the parents, but I thought you should see theirs."

Kathryn moved from the girls, accepted the papers handed to her and look down at them. There were the twins, brownish black scribbles around a circle represented their heads and hair. Thin sticks jutted out from the head to indicate arms and legs. She, herself was drawn similarly. A brown crayon had pressed itself hard into the paper to represent her own hair, and two blue dots over a red curved line were her face. Amanda had even drawn the arms of her mother in red and the legs in black to be her uniform. What startled Kathryn the most was the fourth figure in the picture. Drawn in the same fashion, a black headed man in a uniform the same as hers, with a few scribbles over his eyes found the captain staring at him. Glancing between the pictures, Janeway saw that the four people had all been carefully drawn and looked remarkable alike despite the different settings-- Amanda drew her picture with black stars against the white background and Ami drew hers with a thick line of green grass on the bottom.

"I see." Kathryn finally found her voice. Glancing up at Andrea, she quickly thanked the girl for showing her the pictures and then hurried to collect the twins before rushing back to her quarters.

"We've got to talk."

Chakotay froze as he entered the captain's ready room. "Yes?"

Janeway stood up and picked up a couple of papers from her desk. "Look at this." She instructed.

Her first officers accepted the drawings and glanced down at them. "Cute."

Kathryn snatched the papers back. "They most certainly are not cute, Commander! The girls were told to draw a picture of their family."

Chakotay merely shrugged. "So? I do spend a lot of time with them."

"Too much in my opinion."

"Not a year ago you were more willing to allow me back in their life." Chakotay reminded her, thinking of the last time she had pecked him on the cheek.

"Obviously a mistake." Kathryn snapped. "I did say that I'd like for the girls to know, but if something didn't' work out between you and I again, they'd be the ones to get hurt. I can't take that risk."

"Do you really think that--"

"Go." Kathryn broke into the beginning of what she knew would be a long speech.

"Kathryn!"

"Leave me!" she burst out.

Kathryn rubbed her eyes as she slowly returned to the wakening state. Memories gradually returned until she remember that she had fallen asleep on the couch while her two three year old girls were allowed to run free through the quarters.

A sound of something spilling in her bedroom caused her to jolt out of the slumber.

"Oh no!" she exclaimed glancing around her. The twins had made short work of her quarters in the thirty minutes she'd been asleep. The pillows from the furniture had been over turned and half their toys were strewn through out the quarters. Kathryn's head dropped in exhaustion as she realized that the majority of her few possessions she allowed within the twins' reach were now on the floor.

A giggle caused Kathryn to turn her attention to her own room.

"No, Manda. This one."

"Oh no!" Janeway jumped up and began running to her bedroom and bathroom.

"I pretty!" Amanda exclaimed striking a pose for her mother.

Janeway stared at her daughter in horror. Amanda stood in the midst of a cloud of powder with three silk dresses pooled at her feet. Her own limbs were adorned with her mother's satin slip and her face had dark red lipstick smeared over it.

Her sister, a few meters away, was dressed in her mother's blue dress, heels, and a sun hat that dropped over one eye. Blue eye shadow streaks were visible over each eye and continued up to her forehead where they disappeared under the hat.

"Mommy?" Ami asked. "You like?"

"No." Janeway shook her head in disapproval. "I don't like that you girls came in here with my saying ok." She knelt down beside them. "Do you understand?"

Ami's head dropped. "We're bad."

"Very bad." Amanda echoed.

"What you did is bad." Kathryn agreed pulling the clothing from them. "I want for you to help me clean this up now."

"Captain?"

Darn. She' hadn't ever heard Chakotay come in.

"In here." She called out trying to wipe the lipstick from Amanda's face.

"Make up party?" Chakotay laughed as he caught site of his daughters trying to wriggle out of their mother's arms.

"No." Janeway answered coldly turning Ami free.

"Daddy!" the small bundle of energy flung herself at her father's legs and wrapped her arms around them.

"No, Ami. Uncle Chakie." Janeway corrected lifting Amanda off the floor. The lipstick would require soap and water to get it off.

"Kathryn,..."

"You gave up that right, Commander."

"What right?" Ami asked from where her face was buried in Chakotay's neck.

"What's a right?" Amanda asked as her mother started the water.

"Answer them, Kay."

"I will not." Amanda tried to twist out of her mother's grip as Kathryn scrubbed at the lipstick with a fluffy wash cloth.

"Fine. I'll put Ami to bed and we can talk this out later."

"Fine."

"Another story." Ami demanded.

"Not right now." Kathryn kissed the top of her daughter's head quickly. "Sweet dreams, honey." Carefully, she traded places with Chakotay so she could kiss Amanda's head. "Sweet dreams to you too, Amanda."

"Good night, Mommy." Amanda whispered looking at Ami.

Ami had her arms clenched tightly around Chakotay neck. "I don't have a daddy." She whispered, eyes tightly closed. "Will you be my daddy?"

Chakotay felt a lump rise in his throat. Opening his eyes, he found that Kathryn had gone several shades paler. "I can't be your daddy." He finally whispered to the little girl. "But, I'll be here whenever you need me, Ami."

"But we want you for a daddy." Amanda interrupted. "Then, you and mommy can both live here. And we can have a family like O'Wen's."

Chakotay stood. "Not right now."

Kathryn shook her head frantically at him.

Too late.

"When?" Both girls asked in unison.

Why didn't you warn me?

Not enough time.

Both adults communicated with their eyes for a moment. Now what? Chakotay seemed to ask.

"It's time for bed, girls." Kathryn dimmed the lights in their room and tucked the purple blanket around Ami a little tighter. "Good night."

"Marry my mommy." Ami told Chakotay through the darkened room.

Kathryn dropped onto her sofa with an exaggerated sigh. "Remind me to tell them to have twins when they grow up!" she laughed.

Chakotay didn't say anything, but sat down beside her. "You could have help with them."

Janeway didn't bother to open her eyes as she answered him. "Don't even go there, Commander. You haven't addressed the issue in ages and I've been thankful for it. If only they'd realize what it meant!"

"I wasn't suggesting anything more than myself helping you take care of them." Chakotay told her upfront. "Right now, we can't afford to get in a relationship."

Janeway's eyes shot open. Was this her first officer?? "Thanks for finally realizing it." She muttered at him. "What'd you come for?"

"This." Chakotay handed her the data padd. "We could be in for another Gray Mode if we don't handle this carefully." He looked down at the padd. "I've got some tricks from the Maquis we could use....but they're dangerous. If something was to go wrong, we'd have only a few minutes to respond before it'd be over. If something were to happen. My crew can make sure nothing does. Pull extra shifts or something."

"Your crew?" a perfectly shaped eyebrow rose at his slip.

"My former Maquis crew." He corrected himself. "Our crew."

"Very good, Commander." Kathryn took the data padd and glanced over it quickly. "You do have a good reason for suggesting that we shut down the holodecks, correct?"

"B'Elanna had an idea." Chakotay grinned. "If we shut down the holodecks and instead run a simulation of an adapter she's working on, we can virtually run a power cable along the floor and into a panel and allow the holodeck energy to feed the warp core.

"Shut down lighting?" She was already to another account.

"The ship expends a lot of energy on lighting it. If we reduce it to emergency lighting only, we'd cut back over 70% of the lighting output."

"Reroute weapons through life support?!" she demanded. "If we're shot at, we'll be killed!"

"Yeah, but it'll increase dilithium processing efficiency. Which means we'd be able to increase in warp speed."

Janeway's head snapped up. "I did do pretty well in chemistry and engineering."

"Understood." He couldn't resist the wink at her.

"Fine." Kathryn dropped the data padd back in his hands. "Do them all. I trust you."

"Thanks." Chakotay dropped a kiss on the top of her head before he could stop himself. Father, he prayed as he realized what he'd done, help me not to fall in love with her again.

Kathryn watched as he left. She really did trust him. As much as one person could trust another. If anything happened to him..... She didn't' even want to think of how lonely she'd be.

Four years....

"There you are." A wide grin spread across Kathryn Janeway's face as her first officer stepped into her ready room. She had made a decision nearly a year ago. She would allow Chakotay back into her life. The way she'd been going had been too lonely of a road for her-- she needed him. But, it was beginning to look like he didn't need her.

His friendship was still there-- stronger than it had ever been. But he was doing his best to make sure it didn't progress back into a romance. And, it hurt her.

"Good evening, Captain." The commander laid the data padd on her desk. "There's the report from astrometrics you requested."

"Thanks...." She took a step around the desk. "Care for some coffee?"

"I really shouldn't. I've got--" Chakotay cut himself as he watched the emotions flitting across her face. He finally nodded with a slight sigh. "That'll be fine, Kathryn."

Turning to take a seat on her couch, he silently rebuked himself. He shouldn't stay. Not more than two minutes anyways. God had been helping him resist the urge to fall in love with her for the past year, but all of their work could be undone with a simple glance from her. And it looked like she was actually considering it.

"Thanks." He mumbled accepting the mug as she took the seat next to him.

"Anytime. You know that."

"Yeah....well, I've got astrometrics and Harry running some sensor sweeps to see if we can determine the...ahh...the mineral deposits on...uh....the next--Kathryn!"

She laughed lightly against his ear as her arms stole around his middle.

Disentangling himself from her, Chakotay stood and regarded his captain. "What are you trying to do?" he demanded.

"I think it's quite obvious." Her blue eyes flew to his brown.

"Too obvious." He muttered, then looked down at her. "This is so unlike you. What in the world made you decide to pursue me?"

Kathryn patted the seat beside her in invitation. Laughing when Chakotay merely cocked an eyebrow at him, she began. "You did. You stopped chasing me and gave me time to think." Eyebrows furrowed together. "I decided I didn't like being alone with only the twins for company. You were my best friend before we were married, you were during the marriage, and somehow-- you still are."

"When are you supposed to pick up the twins?"

Kathryn glared at him. "Don't change the topic on me."

"I'm not. But, Ensign Wilner is supposed to be on duty in five minutes." Chakotay replied referring to Voyager's day care provider.

"Darn." Jumping up she turned back with a sly grin and laid a hand on her XO's arm causing him to catch his breath in his throat. "I'll expect you at my quarters at 1800 hours. Today's the girls' fourth birthday and there's something they should know. I'd like you to be there."

Chakotay didn't blink as she placed a soft kiss on the side of his chin and then disappeared from the ready room.

"Are they ready yet, Mommy? Are they ready yet?"

Two pairs of hands landed on the counter as two noses popped up to peer eagerly at their mother.

"Not quite." Janeway answered glancing back at the cookbook.

Ami and Amanda had decided that they wanted the 'cakes called cheese,' that Neelix had made a few weeks earlier, as their birthday dessert. But, they had wanted their mom to make them. Confident that she could follow a recipe for a simple desert, Kathryn had set out earlier that afternoon to make the cheese cakes. Now, she wondered why.

"What's wrong with it?" Amanda asked as she watched Janeway's brow furrow.

What, indeed, was wrong with it? Kathryn tapped the cream colored creation with a knife. It answered back with a dull thud. The thing had not only set from a pudding to a firm cake-- it'd become as hard as a brick!

Ami pulled a chair from the other side of the kitchen and, with both girls balancing precariously on the edge of it, they pulled the other cake towards them and pried it from the pan.

"Frisbee!" Amanda shouted jumping down and running to the other side of the room to give them enough distance with their new toy.

Ami let out a joyful shriek as she hurled the dessert disk towards her sister and watched Amanda gallop after it as it skidded along the floor.

Janeway watched on half in fascination that her girls knew the game and half in horror as she realized that if the thing had a gooey center still, she would be cleaning it off the walls after their marriages. "Calm down!" she called as Amanda hurled the disk back towards her sister.

Ami picked up the cheese cake and glanced at her mother. "It's a toy." She stated simply, and then flung it in the direction of Amanda.

Missing Amanda by a good four feet, the lump of dessert collided with the wall and thudded on the floor.

"Oops."

"Oops."

Kathryn silently retrieved the cake and motioned for the girls to go to their bedroom. "I'll tell you when you can come out." She informed them as she headed back to the kitchen to clean up her mess.

"Chakotay to Janeway."

"Go ahead."

"We're approaching Vasken VII. Nearly no life forms. Minor vegetation. And traces of elements we need. I've already started to gather away teams."

"Thanks Commander. Put me in the first away team." A wicked smile glinted over Janeway's face. "Yourself too. Meet you in the transporter room in five minutes. Janeway out."

"Girls!"

"Yes?"

"Yes?"

Two brown heads peeked around the door frames leading into their rooms.

"I've got to go on an away mission. I need for both of you to come along, behave, and go to Aunt Andrea's for the evening. I promise, we'll have your birthday when I get back."

"Goody! Uncle Tom can play Frisbee with us!"

So, Janeway thought to herself with a slight laugh. That's where they learned.

Ten minutes later, Janeway turned around in a full circle to survey the world around her. Clouds rumbled overhead as the ground beneath her vibrated.

"Is it safe?" were the first words out of her mouth as she turned to her first officer.

"Apparently so. Tuvok said that the plates are only rubbing against one another slightly. Enough for us to feel it, but not enough to do any damage." Chakotay flipped on his tricorder and began to move away from the group. Please Lord, he prayed. Don't make me spend the whole day with her. Not after this afternoon.

"Wait up, Commander."

His stomach sank in dread as he slowed his footsteps. "Let's get one thing straight, Captain." He began softly so the other crew members couldn't hear him. "We work. We don't argue, don't flirt, and don't spend the time trying to convince each other otherwise. Understood?"

A soft snort came from Kathryn's direction as she listened to him ordering her. "Aye, Commander." Brushing her hand innocently along his as she reached for his tricorder, she gave him a clear indication that she had no intention of following his order.

An hour later, Chakotay thought he was going to shout in exasperation. A cold wind stung his face as the clouds threatened to drop buckets of rain on them. The sand from the nearby mineral pits was like tiny bits of glass biting into their skin. The earth under him still tossed him about causing him to lose his footing every once in a while and to top it off-- Kathryn was being forced to hang on to him. If nothing else, he was the most stable point around, but it was more than that. She had never held his arms quite so tight, refusing to let go, sliding her hand down to catch his hand whenever she could.

"Chakotay!"

Kathryn's shout startled him out of his reverie and he blanched at the pit he'd nearly stepped in.

"This way!" she shouted pulling him by his arm.

Creeping along a ledge, they slowly made their way to the bottom of the old quarry. There, they would be able to mine the lithium deposits.

"Careful. Careful." Kathryn's hand tightened instinctively around Chakotay's fingers as they edged their way down. One misplaced foot and they'd both fall.

Suddenly, the skies let loose their torrent of rain. Chakotay extracted his hand from Kathryn's long enough to wipe at the streams of icy cold water running into his eyes as it soaked his uniform.

Kathryn felt a surge of adrenaline. Why'd he let go?? Oh. His eyes. He couldn't' see. Neither could she. Wiping at her eyes, she pushed the damp hair from her face and captured his hand again.

"Slowly." Chakotay mouthed to her over the force of the storm. A flash of lightening struck and illuminated her face as she nodded to him.

Concentrating on placing one foot in front of the other as they made their way down the muddy embankment, Janeway found that her grip on Chakotay's hand was being returned. Not as a tender caress, but as a frantic grip on one he didn't wish to lose.

It was when she glanced back at him when it happened. Kathryn, not concentrating on her footing, lost her balance and felt her feet slide under her. Still with Chakotay's hand being crushed on hers, she pulled him down and they began to slide towards the edge of the cliff they had been so carefully walking along. Screams of terror echoed throughout the quarry as they slid over the edge.

He was falling. Falling. Falling. Fall- Uoomphf! Chakotay was hardly aware of the icy rain still beating down on him. He was hardly aware that his breathing had become shallow in an effort to draw more oxygen into his lungs. All he knew was that his captain was being crushed by his weight on her.

Mustering up enough strength, he rolled to the side and looked over at Janeway.

"Kath-ryn?" his breath came out in two white puffs of air in the frosty setting.

"Mmmph?" she made a faint effort to turn her head towards his voice, but didn't succeed.

"Wake up, Kathryn!" he shouted at her.

Eyes popped up at the volume of his voice. "I'm awake, Chakotay." She grunted trying to pull herself up to a sitting position. "Sorry about that..uh...detour."

"Just lucky it wasn't around the previous bend." Chakotay said. "We were lucky this ledge stopped us."

Kathryn, for the first time, looked around at where they had landed. A tiny piece of rock jutted out from the side of the cliff. About ten meters above them, the pathway they'd been on a few minutes earlier loomed. Fifty meters below, the bottom of the quarry displayed its grand jagged stones standing up as if waiting to kill some unfortunate person.

Shifting her body so she could move her right hand, Janeway tapped the insignia she expected to be attached to her tunic. No such luck.

"Must have fallen off while we were sliding." Chakotay noticed her actions. His also was gone.

Janeway pulled her knees close to her body and nodded. "We're expected to check in about an hour from now. They'll notice and do a scan and beam us out."

"Right." Chakotay nodded trying to prevent his teeth from chattering. "Until then, we wait."

"We wait." She agreed not bothering to push the wet strands from her face.

Chakotay quickly moved himself against the wall of the cliff so he was out of the direct wind. It wasn't much protection, but it was some. Dropping his head down to his knees, he briefly wondered what they would talk about for the next hour.

"D-Don't fall asleep."

The alarm in his captain's voice caused his head to jerk up.

"I won't." He promised. "Don't you fall asleep either."

"I..I won't." Janeway couldn't stop her teeth from chattering as she replied.

Chakotay shook his head. He was being a fool. They were both covered in mud and being assaulted by both wind and rain. The least he could do was allow her to snuggle up to him in order to try to keep warm.

Hesitantly, he slipped an arm around her shoulders and drew her closer to him.

Kathryn smiled and buried her face in his chest as she wrapped her arms around him. "Thank you."

Both were silent for a while. Alone with their thoughts.

"Why won't you come back in my life?" Kathryn finally asked raising her eyes to his. "I've been trying for the past year, and you wont."

"I can't." Chakotay muttered trying to peer through the storm as it lessened. But, the flash of lightening only served to light up her blue eyes even more.

"Why?" Her arms tightened around his middle as if that would squeeze the answer from him.

Chakotay looked down at the icicles that were beginning to form in her hair. "Are you sure you want the answer?"

"Yes."

Kathryn craned her ear, but missed what he said. "What?"

"The Bible says I can't marry an unbeliever." He repeated, slightly louder.

He didn't look at her as he said it. Jerking out of his arms, Kathryn gawked at him. "Your Bible says that any relationship between you and I is out of the question just because I don't accept it?!"

"Basically, yes." Chakotay scrunched into a tight ball trying to protect himself from the wind where Kathryn had been comfortably resting only minutes earlier.

"Pretty convenient, if you ask me."

"What do you mean? You, of all people, know how much I'd love to be able to remarry you and start our life back again."

"I meant it seems pretty convenient that in order to marry a Christian, you have to be a Christian. That way, the kids are raised as Christians and the religion continues."

"That's not the case at all." Chakotay tried to adjust so he could look at her. To keep an eye on her.

"Then what is?"

"Marriage is hard enough on two people. An argument about beliefs will only make it worse. At least, if they share a relationship with Christ, they have a chance of making it work."

Kathryn was silent for a long minute. Finally, she turned her back on Chakotay and leaned on her own knees instead of being forced to look at him.

Chakotay was praying. The tempeture was dropping. It was already past dusk on the part of the planet, and with night came even colder tempetures. The sand that had become mud puddles during the storm was now turning to a mud slush.

"We're going to die."

The soft announcement startled Chakotay's ears, but he heard it. "Why do you say that?"

"Look around us." Kathryn glanced over her shoulder at him, icicle strands grazing her cheeks. "It's freezing out here and we've got half an hour before they'll even think about us."

"Are you ready to die?"

Kathryn's eyes calmly met his. "No. Are you?"

"Yes."

"You've 'made peace with your maker' I suppose."

"Yes." Chakotay nodded once. "I have." He glanced down at the patches of ice becoming more apparent on his clothing. "It's not an easy choice, Kathryn. But, it's one that every man and woman has to make at some point in their life."

"I suppose I've already made it."

"It's not too late to change your mind." Chakotay traced an outline in the sludge before him. "It's never too late until you die."

Kathryn glanced down at his hands. "What's that?"

"You. God." Chakotay drew what appeared to be two cliffs with no bottom in sight between them. "You're separated from God because of sin, Kay." He continued his sketch by drawing in a cross. "Jesus bridged the gap for us. God sent Him to die on a cross for you-- for me-- for all of mankind. Only through Him can we come to know the Lord."

Kathryn swallowed. Something stirred in her heart. She felt a connection with the pictures. She understood what they meant. And, she knew she was a sinner. Ever her earliest childhood memory-- that of her hiding under her father's desk while waiting for him to finish work-- contained a sin. She had been jealous of her baby sister and wanted the attention the baby was getting.

Chakotay was quiet. He understood what that look on Kathryn Janeway's face meant. She was thinking. And thinking hard, if he was any judge. Suddenly, blue eyes shot up and met his.

"How does one allow Jesus to be the bridge?" She blurted out.

Chakotay felt his heart suddenly surge with joy. Finally! "They pray, tell Jesus they know they're a sinner. Tell Him you want to accept Him in your life. And then commit to living a life that would be pleasing to Him."

"That's it?"

"That's it."

"No ceremonies or prayers or deeds that have to be performed?"

"Nothing but a prayer. After you're a Christian, God will expect you to live differently. He'll help you with that. But, He doesn't expect you to do any acts in order to be saved."

"That's too easy, Chakotay."

"Do you want to do it?" Chakotay asked softly. "I'm willing to pray the prayer out loud and let you recite it in your heart."

Kathryn was silent for a moment as she stared down at her hands. Finally, she raised her eyes to his. Then, she opened her mouth and said--

Nothing.

Neither could. They were trapped in a transporter beam.

As it faded away, Chakotay saw the Doctor bustling about them in sickbay.

"Appears to be a mild case of hypothermia," he informed them as he held the tricorder over them. Giving them each a sedative and blanket, he ordered them to rest and moved back to his office.

"Kathryn?" Chakotay propped his head up from where he was sprawled on the biobed.

"No, Commander." Kathryn said firmly in answer to his unanswered question. "I was delirious and facing death. I didn't mean that I'd actually like to place my beliefs in some supreme being."

Chakotay felt his heart sink as he laid back down. Closing his eyes, he continued the prayer that had begun minutes after he'd accepted Christ.

Five Years...

Beep..

Kathryn looked up at the door sharply. Oh how she wished it would be Chakotay on personal issues. "Come."

Tuvok silently stepped inside as the doors swished shut behind him. "Captain." He greeted her somewhat stiffly considering the number of years they had been serving together.

"Tuvok." She forced a smile to cross her features. "What can I do for you?"

"The engineering report." He replied handing her the data padd.

"Ahh, thank you."

"Commander Chakotay and Lieutenant Torres-Paris have come up with a theory which may cut back on energy usage." He continued.

"Oh?"

"It's outlined in the report. In short, they wish to reroute one-eighth of the warp core's power supply directly to the impulse engines, and compensate by mixing hydrogen in the antimatter chamber in order to produce a more efficient means of converting the dilithium."

Janeway's head was spinning, but she nodded quickly. "All right. Give me ten minutes to read the report myself, and we'll start."

Tuvok nodded once and strode briskly back to the bridge.

Commander Chakotay sat stiffly in Janeway's chair and only glanced briefly at the door as Tuvok exited. Returning his eyes to the padd in his hand, the first officer tried to read about stellarcartography's latest bit of 'excitement.'

Nine minutes later, Kathryn stepped onto the bridge and announced that they would be attempting the energy conversion.

"You have the bridge, Tuvok. Chakotay, you're with me."

Laying the padd aside, Chakotay followed the petite brunette into the turbolift.

"Ok, Captain. That should do it." B'Elanna slipped the last isolinear chip into place and smiled at the other two officers. "Hard to do it with three people, but we managed."

"A four person job." Janeway muttered at them remembering the jeffries tubes and every conduit that had needed to be checked. "We should have brought Tom along."

B'Elanna blushed slightly. "Would have made it more pleasant." She agreed, then hurried to add. "Not that I mind your company."

Kathryn laughed lightly and replied to B'Elanna, but Chakotay wasn't paying attention to them anymore. His eyes were glued to the console they had just replaced the front to. It seemed as though what happened next took several minutes to occur, but actually it happened within nearly a second.

Small puffs of smoke escaping from the sides of the console were the first signs that something had gone wrong. A tiny flame suddenly darted out and licked the edge of the console, followed by a burst of energy and heat as the panel was thrown off and a full explosion rocked the deck. By the time he got this mouth open, it was too late to say anything. The captain, having been beside the console, had been tossed like a rag doll and now laid ten meters from the console.

"Someone! Put the fire out!" B'Elanna shouted jumping up from where she'd been thrown a few meters away.

Chakotay was already calling for an emergency beam out for Kathryn. As they rematerialzed in sick bay, the Doctor stared at them.

"What happened?' he asked angrily running the tricorder over her body.

"Explosion." Chakotay coughed, his lungs still full of the arid smoke.

"I can see that." The Doctor snapped. "She's got third degree burns over nearly ninety percent of her body. How did you manage to escape?"

"The console exploded. She was hit with the majority of the actual flames. Lieutenant Torres and myself were standing to the side and merely felt the heat and force."

"Well, right now, she's quite unconscious, thankfully." The Doctor trained his tricorder on Chakotay. "You've suffered minor burns. Use that dermal regenerator. Then, if you'll either vacate sickbay or lie down on a biobed and actually rest, I'll take care of this patient. She's going to require surgery right away or she may not survive."

Chakotay did neither. He pulled a hard, blue chair from the corner and sat down. "I'm staying right here until she wakes up and is ready to walk out."

Andrea stared at the twin in front of her in disbelief. After Captain Janeway had gone through surgery and was still alive, Chakotay had remembered to contact her. She had been the one to carefully break the news to the twins that their mother was sick and would be spending the night in sickbay. She herself would spend the night in the captain's quarters with the girls.

Now, it was the next morning. Andrea had been planning on spending her day off of daycare duty on the holodeck, but now plans had been changed. She was instead going to teach the twins to bake cookies. Make paper dolls. Play dress up. Anything that would keep their mind off of their mother lying helpless in sickbay.

A smirk from the twin in front of her reminded Andrea of the latest problem to arise. One twin was missing. And this one was refusing to reveal which she was.

"Come on, can't you tell Auntie Andi who you are?" Andrea asked kneeling down to the brown eyes girl's level.

"Nope." Two arms folded defiantly over her chest.

"Wilner to Chakotay." She had to tell him that she'd lost one of the girls.

The answer was slow in coming, but Chakotay's voice, thick with sleep still, came though. "Chakotay here."

"Commander, I'm really sorry to disturb you."

"Not a problem, Andrea. How are the girls?"

"Well, they were really curious about how their mom's going to be-- last night. Today," Andrea cast a glance over to the girl hugging tightly to a stuffed dog. "They've taken their curiosity into their own hands."

"What?"

"One of them is missing. I'm assuming that she's trying to get to sickbay. The other, well, she won't tell me who she is." Andrea wasn't sure, but she thought she heard the commander trying to cover a snort of laughter.

"Understood. If you would, I'd like a small security team to look for her. I don't want her getting into trouble-- though, I'd expect she's headed here."

Chakotay looked up from Kathryn's still form as the doors to sickbay slid open. Two brown eyes cautiously peered inside at him.

"Momma?"

Before the girl could make another move, Chakotay had caught her in his arms and was lifting her onto another biobed.

"MommyMommy MommyMommy MommyMommy MommyMommy!!"

"Hush, Amanda!" Chakotay raised his voice to be heard over the din.

"Commander?"

The large Indian turned to the see the Doctor raise a curious eyebrow at him

"Nothing, Doctor. I can handle this." Chakotay replied calmly as two arms shot over his shoulder in an effort to reach out towards his captain.

"Aye, Commander."

Chakotay turned back to his five year old daughter. "Amanda, be quiet!"

She stopped kicking and squirming instantly. "I'm not Amanda!"

"Yes, you are." Chakotay placed either of his hands on the sides of her and stared straight into the small girl's eyes. "You are Amanda and Ami is in your quarters refusing to tell your Aunt Andrea who she is. Why?"

Big brown eyes suddenly pooled with tears. "Is my mommy going to die?"

Chakotay felt his heart break as the tears slipped down his daughter's face. Gathering her close in his arms, he climbed on the biobed and rocked her. "Mommy will be just fine." He prayed it wasn't a lie.

"An'...and.....and how do you know?" She hiccuped between tears.

"I just know." Chakotay stroked her back and hair in an effort to soothe and console her. "Go to sleep, Amanda. I'm right here and your mommy is going to be fine."

The tight grip Amanda held on Chakotay's arm diminished slowly as she drifted to sleep. Chakotay let his eyes rest of his captain again. Blue eyes were slightly parted in an effort to watch him.

"Thanks." She whispered hoarsely.

"Anytime." Chakotay looked down at the small girl in his arms. "I think I'm going to take her back to your quarters."

"Then come back and get me out of here."

"Aye, Captain." Standing, Chakotay alerted the Doctor to Kathryn's improved condition and quickly left with his small charge.

Kathryn watched him go. "How long was he here?" she inquired of the Doctor.

"Seventeen hours. Seventeen very long hours." The Doctor replied. "Captain, I'm taking you off of duty for two days. And, I want you to remain here so you can rest."

Tentatively, Janeway sat up. "No. My girls need me. Amanda was terrified that something bad had happened to me."

"Something bad did!"

"The girls need to know I'm here." Kathryn swung her legs over the side of the biobed, much to the dismay of the Doctor.

Using the best medical knowledge he had in his databases, the Doctor tried to convince the captain that she needed to remain in sickbay so he could observe her. She calmly refused and walked out the door.

Leaning against a wall in a deserted corridor, Kathryn wondered if maybe the Doctor was right. She was already exhausted. Sliding down to a sitting position, she allowed herself a moment's rest before continuing. Just for a moment, she told herself. Just a short moment....a moment.................

Strong arms were lifting her up. Eyes snapped open as she felt herself leaving the ground. Chakotay ignored her small cry as she found herself in his arms being carried to the turbolift.

"Next time, you should listen to the Doctor." He told her.

Kathryn didn't answer, she was too tired. Laying her head on Chakotay's shoulder, she drifted off to sleep again.

Chakotay looked down at the woman sleeping in his arms. Did she realize how close she had come to death without making peace? It terrified him that he would lose her before she had turned her life over to Christ.

Silently, he entered her quarters and motioned for the girls to be quiet. Andrea held the twins back and watched somewhat surprised as Chakotay carried Kathryn into her bedroom and laid her down in the bed.

Backing out, Chakotay thanked Andrea for watching the girls and then took over the 'daddy' role. It was nice of Tuvok to 'offer' to take his duty shift, Chakotay thought with a wry smile. Vulcans could be so persuasive.

"Hello?....." Kathryn tried to lift her head from her pillow, but let it sink back down in exhaustion. She could hear murmuring past her bedroom door. Eyes flicked open as the door slid open and Chakotay stepped inside.

"Well, goodmorning!" he whispered energetically coming to sit on the side of her bed.

"Harumph." She huffed at him trying to roll over and bury her head in the pillow beside her as though that would get rid of the painful throb she was beginning to feel.

"Good to see you're so bright eyed and bushy tailed as always." He laughed pushing a lock of brown hair from her face.

"Where are my girls?"

"In the other room, worried to death about you. I've done the best I can to help them understand, but...."

Kathryn nodded . "Send them in?"

Chakotay only hesitated a moment. "Just for a little bit."

He called the twins and both came timidly to the door.

"Mommy?" Amanda asked in a hushed whisper.

"I'm here, girls."

Both were instantly clamoring over the bed coverings towards their mother.

"We thought you were going to die," Ami told her as she hugged tightly to her mom.

Kathryn returned the hug weakly. "I'm here, and I'm doing just fine."

Chakotay eyes popped open suddenly. His girls needed him. Now. He didn't know why he felt the sudden driving need to see them, he just knew that God was telling him to go to them now.

Throwing the covers from his body, he tumbled out of bed and grabbed his robe before dashing out of his small quarters. Still trying to tie the knot around his waist, he used his over ride codes on Kathryn's door and burst in.

A shout followed by whimpers from the twins' room caused him to turn in that direction. Ordering the door to open, he stepped over the threshold and found both Ami and Amanda huddled in Ami's bed- crying.

"What happened?" he asked coming forward to sit on the bed as they clamored into his lap.

Ami tried to open her mouth, but only cried harder.

Amanda, tears of her own streaking her face answered for her sister. "She dreamed mommy died."

"Oh, girls." Chakotay drew them closer to him. "Mommy is fine. She's just fine."

"What would happen?" Ami finally choked out.

"What do you mean what would happen?"

"If mommy died." Amanda whispered against the soft terry cloth of his robe. "Would you be our daddy?"

"Please?" Ami drew in a shuddering breath as she tried to cuddle closer with her sister.

"I...I..-" Chakotay didn't know how to answer his girls. He would always be their daddy as much as Kathryn would allow it. But, how could he answer their question without letting them know he already was their daddy.

A sound in the door way caused his head to turn. Kathryn was watching them silently with tears of her own. Coming forward, she joined the trio on the bed and wrapped her arms around them before settling her head on Chakotay's shoulder.

"Yes, girls. He would be your daddy." She whispered into Ami's hair as her arms stole around Ami's small form and Chakotay's waist. "But, for now, go back to sleep. I'm just fine. You don't need to worry about me dying. There will always be someone here to take care of you."

Taking care not to disturb the girls, Chakotay wound his arm around Kathryn as the tiny family comforted each other over what could have happened two weeks ago.

"Kathryn?"

"Hmmm......?" Kathryn felt someone shifting from where they were curled up beside her.

"Kay, I'm going now."

Her eyes snapped open. She had fallen asleep with the girls and Chakotay. Holding her laughter in at finding the four of them squished on Ami's small bed, she sat up and brought an unconscious hand to her hair.

"Help me get Amanda in her bed first."

Chakotay moved Amanda quickly to her bed and tucked the covers around her. Then, he moved toward the door and followed Kathryn into the living area.

"Chakotay, I-"

"Kathryn, what-"

Both laughed nervously at each other as they stood in front of the view port gazing at each other.

"Let me go first." Kathryn pleaded. At Chakotay's brief nod she continued. "Thank you."

"For what?"

"For getting there so fast for them last night. I have no idea how you knew something was wrong, but I thank you for coming."

"God told me." Chakotay whispered barely loud enough for her to hear.

"God?" she scoffed. "Look, I'll try to respect your new beliefs, but I believe it would be more in character to say that your spirit guide contacted you even though I know you've ignored him for awhile."

"Spirit guides don't exist, Kathryn."

"Oh, they don't? Well, I've met our spirit guides. And I've never seen your God. You tell me who's more real."

"Kathryn, God doesn't choose to invade our dreams or take on a physical form for a reason." He shook his head at her. "I don't know the reason, I just know He provides a sense of peace and security I've never found in any spirit world."

"Well, good for you."

"Kay....on that planet a year ago...you felt something-"

"Darn right I felt something, Commander. I was cold. And delirious. I had no idea what I was saying or about to commit to." She angrily brushed an invisible piece of lint off her peach nightgown. "It's just a good thing Voyager intervened before I could make a fool of myself."

"Kathryn, if you had died two weeks ago, where would you go?" the question was asked softly, but firmly.

Startled, blue eyes shot up to lock with his. "According to your beliefs, I'd be in hell." She snapped.

"Isn't it worth looking at then?"

"No. And, I'd appreciate if you left and took all these silly notions with you."

"I can't do that, I'm afraid." Chakotay shifted to another foot. "I care about what happens to you and will always be here if you ever want to hear about Christ."

"Out, Commander." Her voice was low in an effort to keep the children asleep, but it held authority.

Chakotay wanted to laugh. She was pulling rank! She'd pulled rank maybe twice since he'd met her! "All right, my dear captain. Just remember that I care about you. And think about this.." He hesitated just at the door. "If you're right, I have nothing to lose. But, if I'm right, you have everything to lose."

Kathryn blinked as the harsh lights from the corridor streamed in her room and then deserted her to darkness again as the door slid shut.

Wrapping her arms around her slight frame, she slipped back into her bed. Yet, sleep would not come. His words kept coming back to her. Everything to lose....everything to lose...

Did she have everything to lose? Was she, by concerning herself with her crew and family, in actuality neglecting something that could make her feel whole again? Whole, complete, and ready to face the world as Chakotay now seemed?

Rolling over, Janeway punched the pillow beside her. Nine years ago, she never would have thought that Chakotay's head would rest on it. Six years ago she never would have thought he'd leave her. Now, she wondered if he'd ever sleep beside her again. She didn't know. Actually, she had a pretty good feeling the answer would be no if she didn't accept Christ.

"I can't marry an unbeliever."

Yes, the answer was no.

A sob welled up in her heart and escaped through her mouth. She was so lonely. So isolated from the rest of the crew. Was it actually possible that they had gone on with their lives and she was left by the wayside...leading....never part of them? During their marriage, Chakotay had made sure she had attended parties and such, but she hadn't been to one in over two years-- besides the Christmas gatherings that were held on the holodecks. She was truly alone in this small vessel carrying over one hundred people.

"Jesus bridged the gap for us. Only through Him can we come to know the Lord."

She remembered the words as though it had been yesterday and not a year ago. Chakotay had pleaded with her on that planet. And, being the stubborn fool she was, she had told him to forget it the instant they were on the ship. Scrunching into a tight ball, Kathryn silently asked Chakotay to forgive her for blowing off his words. He cared about her. Truly cared. Probably, she scoffed, one of the precious few left who did.

Well, according to Chakotay, God would care. He'd always be a friend when she needed Him. Always be with her. Kathryn had to admit, what she needed was a friend who would stick closer than a brother. Where had that thought come from?, she asked herself. Probably from her great grandmother who had actually believed in that Christianity stuff.

Did she? Did she believe? Kathryn's heart pounded against her ribs as she pondered the question.

She had always been a scientist. Always looked at things from a scientific perspective. She could explain why a warp core produced the right amount of energy to jumped a ship into warp drive, but she couldn't tell what the driving force behind that was. Sure, the metals and gases reacted chemically, but who or what controlled those chemical reactions? There were scientific laws, but who set them in place? Could they have actually have simply been here?

What about mankind? How had that come about? Janeway had always bought into the big bang theory, but now she wondered. Life supposedly came from a few amino acids. How could that be? Scientists had been trying for centuries to create life from non-life. They hadn't succeed. How could a planet with no intelligence or life of its own create a few living cells? Could something happen spontaneously that couldn't happen in over four hundred years of laboratory experiments? She didn't think so.

The truth was-- she didn't about it before. Kathryn reached out into the cold air of her room and pushed a hand through her tangled brown hair. The scientist in her was battling the religious side of her.

"I believe." She finally whispered to the night air.

Pray, tell Jesus they know they're a sinner. Tell Him you want to accept Him in your life.

Kathryn blinked. It sounded as though Chakotay was actually in the room with her. Pushing the blankets aside, she kneeled beside her bed and laid her face on the sheet.

"Dear God," she hesitated only for a moment. "I know You're up there somewhere. I know You're real. Something in me keeps wanting to deny it, but I know the truth now. I know I'm a sinner and I need Your Son to pay the price for me." Kathryn felt tears squeeze past her eyes. How could He!? God had sent His Son to die on a cross for her! She could never send one of her own daughters to die for someone; it would tear her heart apart. Yet, God had done just that. "Thank you." She whispered. "For Your Son. Please, I want to accept You into my life and learn to live for you. Amen."

Lifting her head, Janeway was greeted with the inky blackness of her room. But, as she wiped the tears from her face, she felt a burden had been lifted from her heart. Grinning from ear to ear, Kathryn made her way to the replicator and called for a Bible. It was time to start reading.

"Chakotay to Janeway."

Kathryn sat up with a start and looked around her. The Bible she had replicated in the early hours of the morning still lay open beside her. The light beside her bed was still at one-half illumination. She had fallen asleep, she realized. Fallen asleep while pondering Matthew.

"Janeway here. Sorry, Commander. I'll be up there in five minutes."

"Take your time, Kathryn. Get the girls up and going first. You've got ten." The laughter around the bridge carried over her comm badge.

"Thanks, Commander." She answered wryly already half dressed. "I'll be there shortly." Tapping the comm badge again, she quickly attached it to her uniform and hurried to get her girls ready.

"Late night?" Tom asked with a cocky grin as Kathryn stepped off the turbolift eight minutes later.

"As a matter of fact, yes." Janeway smarted back as she stepped off the turbolift. "Report."

"All systems are at an acceptable level." Tuvok announced.

"Engineering is running some diagnostics on the engines and buzzar collectors. With any luck, we'll have those back on-line within a week." Harry added.

"Wonderful, then we won't have to keep looking for planets to collect dilithium." Janeway smiled as she made her way down to her chair with a light bounce in her step.

"What are you so happy about, Captain?" Tom asked watching her trying to suppress the smile in her eyes.

"It's just a wonderful morning, Tom." Kathryn reached for the data padd resting on the console between hers and Chakotay's chairs. He caught her eye with a question already forming on his lips. Averting her eyes, she managed to avoid any questions for the time being. Scanning the padd, she found it to concern astrometrics and the end of Vasken space. "Looks like we're nearly done with this five years." She mentioned off handedly to her crew as she stood. "I'll be in my ready room. You have the bridge, Commander."

Beep.

"Come." Kathryn's voice nearly sang with joy as she laid down her Bible to give whoever entered her full attention.

"Captain." Chakotay stepped into her quarters and briefly nodded at her.

"What can I do for you, Chakotay?" she asked with a wide smile and twinkle in her eyes.

She was so beautiful when she smiled, Chakotay couldn't help but think. She had been doing it a lot more in the past two days, and it was making him curious what was happening in her life.

Taking in the scene before him, he did a double take. Kathryn sat on her sofa, still in full uniform minus the shoes which had been kicked to the side, with her feet tucked under her bottom and her hair falling freely around her face. And yes, that was a Bible laying in her lap.

"Kath...what?...I mean....how?....or rather....when?...." Chakotay stared at the Book resting in her hands and then raised his questioning brown eyes to her laughing blue ones.

"I found Him, Chakotay. I really found Him."

Chakotay swallowed hard. "You found Him?" he asked in disbelief. "You found God?"

Janeway's laughter rang through out her quarters. "Yes!"

Chakotay could no more stop the whoop that burst from his lungs than he could stop himself from plucking Kathryn off the sofa and twirling her in a bear hug. "When?!" he demanded. "When!?"

Kathryn continued to laugh with him. "That night. After you left angry with me. I ended up staying up until past 0200 thinking about Christ and God and everything you'd said. Then, I read my new Bible until past 0500."

Chakotay's arms let go of her slightly, but still held her close to him. "Your getting angry with me sparked your interest?!"

She laughed at his disbelief. "I'm learning that God can work in mysterious ways, Chakotay. I'd say this was one of them."

"No kidding." He stared at her in wonder. There was no doubt in his mind. She had completely turned her life over to Him. If the new amount of joy and peace that radiated from her hadn't been enough, finding her reading her Bible was.

Suddenly, Chakotay pushed her out of his arms and dropped to one knee. "Marry me, Kay. Marry me again."

She stared at him in shock. Slowly, her mouth closed and stretched into a smile. "Yes, Chakotay! Yes, I'll marry you...again!" she gave him a stern look. "This time, forever."

"Forever." He agreed meeting her lips in a soft whisper of a kiss.

"Ewww!"

"Icky!"

A startled captain and commander spilt apart and turned to the door way where Andrea had just entered with the twins.

"Oh! Captain! Commander! I'm so sorry! I had no idea!" she babbled. "If you want us to leave-"

"No, no. It's quite all right." Janeway stepped forward and held out her arms to the girls.

"Kissing is icky!" Ami declared with a wrinkle of her nose which only caused her mother and father to burst out laughing.

"It's okay, Andrea," Kathryn told the girl who was looking around as if unsure of what to do. "Chakotay and I will talk to them."

Without looking back, Andrea gratefully retreated to the corridor outside and breathed a sigh of relief. It was about time those two got back together, but she really hadn't wanted to witness it!

In Kathryn's quarters, Chakotay looked to his now-fiancee to determined how she wanted to talk to the girls.

Janeway sensed his unwillingness to make the first move, so she led the girls to the couch and sat down on the coffee table across from them.

"Girls, there's something we need to tell you," she began, uncertain how to handle this. Chakotay's hand on her shoulder gave her a strength and reassurance. Sending a quick prayer Heaven-bound, she plunged forward.

"You know how O'Wen has both a daddy and a mommy?" she asked. Identical faces nodded back at her. "Well, you girls have both a mommy and a daddy too. I'm your mommy, you know that. But tonight, I want for you to know who your daddy is."

Chakotay's heart leapt to his throat. He hadn't known how Kathryn would explain a 'new daddy' but this was perfect.

"We have a daddy?" Amanda asked in awe.

Chakotay nearly burst out laughing. There was no doubt in his mind where her acting ability had come from-- her mother!

"He's our daddy!" Ami declared pointed a finger at him.

Kathryn grinned. "Yep."

"Why doesn't he live with us?" Amanda instantly broke in. "Uncle Tom lives with Aunt B'Elanna and O'Wen."

"It's a long story," Kathryn watched as Ami clamored into Chakotay's lap as he sat on the floor. "But, we've decided he's going to live here now."

"Is that okay with you girls?" Chakotay asked. "I'd like to marry mommy again if you'll let me."

"Goody!" Ami exclaimed throwing her arms around his neck. "I've always wanted you to be my daddy! Now, we'll get you!"

"Yep, you've already got me!" Chakotay pretended to gasp as if her grip was choking him. Bursting into giggles, Ami let go.

"What about you, Manda Panda? Will you let me marry mommy?"

Amanda wrinkled her nose and pulled her knees up to her chest. "I guess so." She finally said.

"Thank you."

"Girls, what time is it now?" their mother stood and held out her hands.

"Bed time." Both groaned in one voice.

"Go get changed and we'll come tuck you in."

With a shout, both twins jumped up and ran to their room.

"Thanks, Kay."

"For what?" she asked turning around. Chakotay's smile only made her grin. "They are your children, after all."

"And don't they look it," he carefully pulled her down to the floor to sit in his lap.

"Yeah," her eyes twinkled as she whispered to him. "They sure do...."

"Ewwwww!!!! They're kissing again!!" Ami's voice echoed through the quarters from where she stood in her bedroom doorway a few minutes later.

"Oh gross!" Amanda's voice floated from where she was still in her room.

Kathryn's head jerked away from Chakotay as she blushed a fierce shade of red. "Girls!" she gasped in surprise.

"Bed time, girls." Chakotay declared helping Kathryn to her feet.

"Tell us a story." Ami begged, pulling on Chakotay's arm as she led him to her room.

"Hmmm....let's see....." Chakotay pretended to ponder this for a moment. "How about a boy named David."

"Do we know David?"

"No. He lived a long, long time ago." Chakotay settled on her bed as Kathryn tucked the covers around Amanda. "David was a shepherd boy. That means he spend the day watching his father's sheep."

"Sheep are white and soft." Ami broke in. "We saw some on the holodeck."

"Right. Well, one day, David's father told him to take some foot to his brothers because they were soldiers. So, he did. When he got there, he found out that a huge giant was demanding that David's brothers' army send someone to fight him. But, all the big men were afraid. So, David said, 'I'll fight this giant named Goliath.' The king laughed and asked what a boy could do. David replied that, yes, he was just a boy, but he had God on his side. "Do you know who God is?"

Ami nodded excitedly. "He sent His Son down to Terran Earth to die for us because we do bad stuff."

Chakotay raised his eyebrows and glanced at Kathryn. She only smiled at him as Amanda broke in.

"An' David beats Goliath with five stones!"

"One stone, Manda!" Ami interrupted. "He picked up five, but God only needed one."

Chakotay looked between the girls in surprise. "How?...."

"Mommy told us." Ami replied. "She also told us about Dan'yiel and the lions. And Jesus being born. And baby Moses."

"An' the good Samaritan." Amanda added.

"You should have picked Jonah." Kathryn's eyes twinkled at him. "I haven't covered any whale tales yet."

"What's a whale?"

"Can we make one on the holodeck?"

Kathryn laughed as both asked questions nearly at the same time. "Not right now, my sweet twins. It's time for bed." Bending over, she placed a kiss on Amanda's forehead.

Ami eagerly reached up to hug Chakotay's neck and give him a kiss. When he went over to Amanda, she stiffly gave him a hug-- but only because Ami had.

Kathryn lowered the lights illumination as they left the room.

"Good night, Mommy." Two voices called out.

"Good night, Daddy." Ami added.

"You're crying." Kathryn observed stifling a yawn as she sat down on her couch and picked up her Bible to lay it on the end table. "What's wrong?"

"She called me daddy." Chakotay whispered collapsing on the sofa beside Kathryn. "Ami called me daddy."

Kathryn merely smiled before snuggling up to his side. Instinctively, his arm encircled her.

"Kay, what's wrong with Amanda?"

"I wondered if it was just me..." Kathryn laid her head against his chest and closed her eyes. "I don't know, Chakotay. I'm not sure she wants her life to change or for us to get married or what."

"Something's wrong." Chakotay declared rubbing her back softly. "I guess I'll just have to talk to her and be her daddy before she'll accept me again."

"Guess so." Kathryn tried to hide another yawn. "Right now, I think you should go so I can get some sleep."

"Yes, Captain." He teased back at her as he dropped a kiss on her nose. "When do you want to get married?"

Kathryn rubbed her eyes as another yawn overtook her. "Tomorrow." She mumbled rising to her feet and stumbling to her room.

Chakotay rose an eyebrow and listened as she collapsed on the bed. "Kath?" he called softly following her. He found her lying on the bed, still fully dressed. Pulling the covers down, he moved her under them and then tucked them tightly around her.

"Sleep well, my love." He whispered giving her a quick kiss before exiting to his own tiny quarters.

"And then, the unicorn rode off with the princess." Ami declared. "The end!"

"You always finish them the same way." Amanda complained.

"Do not!"

"Do too!"

Ami frowned at her sister who sat on the other bed drawing a picture. Her sister had the strange idea that she was going to be an artist when she grew up, but she loved hearing Ami tell stories to her. Ami, on the other hand, knew she was going to be a writer. She hadn't quite mastered her letters and numbers yet though, so she verbally set the computer to record and then told her sister the story.

"I'm going to go talk to mommy." Ami decided jumping off her bed and heading to the door.

"Hi Daddy." She called over her shoulder as she ran through the living quarters. Chakotay called a hasty "Hi Ami." As she flew through in a flurry of brown hair.

"Hi Mommy!" Ami bounced into her parent's bedroom and landed on the bed where Kathryn was sitting on the bed with a stack of data padds.

"Hello, Ami." Kathryn pushed the data padds aside. Ami was looking extremely thoughtful for one so young. "What's wrong?"

"Nothing..." Ami clamored to the head of the bed where she laid against her daddy's pillows. "You and daddy are both Christians, right?"

Kathryn turned to look at her daughter. "That's right."

"That means you know Jesus."

"Right."

"Can I know Him too? Like you said. By asking Him in my heart?"

Kathryn reached over and pulled Ami into a hug. "Yes, sweetie. You can know Jesus too."

Amanda had watched her sister leave and then slid off her own bed. Peering into the living area, she found Chakotay sitting on the sofa with a padd. Without saying a word, Amanda snuck out of her room and shyly approached him.

Chakotay was surprised as his daughter, who had practically ignored him for the past three weeks, hesitantly sat down beside him on the sofa and tried to look at what he was reading.

"What's that?"

"It's a report your Aunt B'Elanna gave me about the warp core, Manda." Chakotay offered her a smile.

"Oh." Amanda continued to lean over his shoulder, but was careful to not touch him. "Did you ever live with mommy?"

Chakotay glanced up, startled. "Yes, I did. Before you girls were born."

"Why'd you leave?"

There. The question was out. Chakotay realized instantly that Amanda had thought he'd deserted them. "Well, sometimes people fight. You know how you and Ami had a fight last week and didn't speak for a couple hours?"

Amanda nodded solemnly. She remembered all right. Ami had wanted to play with her doll. And she didn't' want her to. They had shouted at each other until their mother spilt them up. Neither girl spoke to the other for the rest of that day.

"Well, grown ups fight sometimes too." Chakotay explained. "Your mommy and I had a fight that's hard to describe, but it ended with us not wanting to live together or talk to each other. But, since she's the captain and I'm the first officer, we still had to talk about some stuff."

"Did you make up?"

Kiss and make up. Chakotay hid a smile as the old cliché came to mind. "Yeah, Manda. We did. Just a little while ago, actually. We decided then that we wanted to get married again."

"So, you didn't leave mommy because we were born?"

Large arms reached out to his daughter and drew her into a bear hug. "No. Amanda, I don't want for you to ever think that. In fact, you girls are what kept me coming back here. If it wasn't for you, I wouldn't have found reasons to come back to mommy's quarters and spend time with all three of you."

Amanda nodded slowly from the protective embrace of her father. "I'm glad you didn't leave because of me." She was silent for a long while. "Mommy says that Jesus died on a cross for us. An' that if we ask Him in our heart, He'll be our best friend always."

"That's right."

"My best friend is Ami." Amanda said slowly. "But, she's not always here. How do I ask Jesus to come into my heart?"

Chakotay felt as though his world was spinning. His five year old daughter wanted to accept Christ!!! "Well, honey. You just have to pray and ask Him to come into your heart."

As two identical heads bowed to pray and ask Jesus to be their "best friend," two hearts sang for joy that their daughters would spend eternity with them-- and neither could wait to tell the other.