His Battered Heart

By: Jennica Williams

Disclaimor: Paramount owns Star Trek. TPTB own the episode "In the Flesh" which this episode addition is based on. I doubt they want it, but if for some strange reason they do-- you're welcome to it, Brannon or Joe.

Chakotay sat in his quarters, the only illumination from the stars streaking past his view port. Women. The source of too many of his struggles in life. They were trouble, yet they were an addiction too. How could a man with as many emotional needs as him expect to be alone for the rest of his life? They couldn't. Of all the hearts he had won and been lost to, only one hadn't caused distress to his life.

There was of course Seska. Chakotay felt like a fool every time he thought of her. How could he work beside her everyday, be as close as they were, and never know she was of an entirely different race? He kicked himself. Blinded by love, he scoffed. He had actually loved her at one time. Though, he doubted she had felt anything more than lust for him. Now, even her memory was enough to make his stomach turn over and for him to feel sick. Luckily, that was all that was left. A memory.

His mind wandered through the memories it had stored in the past few years. A face, with many others surrounding it, suddenly surfaced. Riley. Again, he had been a fool. Oh yes, he could claim that it was the meld that had been controlling him, but he knew it wasn't. He'd shared more memories with Riley in those few minutes of the meld than he had with any other person. It had felt good to be close to someone again, to know their mind and what they felt and share in their life. But, like the others, it had been a flitting relationship. She had abused any friendship they'd had and he had left.

And the most recent. At least I knew what she was, he muttered swirling the contents of his glass. Synthehol. Nothing more than a taste. That's why most of it was still in the glass. If it'd been the real stuff, Chakotay knew he would have tried to get wasted tonight and forget everything that had happened.

He should have been a little more careful, he thought to himself. Anytime a woman is involved, warning bells should be going off. But, Valarie, despite her being 8472, had been kind. He hadn't meant to go on the date, but duty had demanded it. He certainly hadn't intended to return the kiss....it had just....happened. And worse, he'd enjoyed it! He nearly laughed at their first kiss. Nothing more than her pressing herself against him. Why, he wondered, had he pushed her away only to fall back into her alien embrace and return the kiss? Not once, but twice.

Allowing his mind to drift, he suddenly had the feeling that there was someone else whom he had fallen for. Some distant memory. Fleeting....fading....disappearing. Blonde...maybe. He physically shook his head in an attempt to clear his mind as another face rushed at him.

Vaguely aware of the sigh that escaped his lips, Chakotay thought of the only one who had conquered his heart. Yes, others had captured his attention for a time, but this one truly had conquered it and he would give it to her in an instant.

Kathryn Janeway.

As her face swam before his eyes in his mind, he hated to add her to the same legion as Seska and Riley, but he had to. Though Kathryn had added stability to his life, she had wrecked havoc through out his love life and left him spinning in circles when near her. He wasn't sure if he regretted baring his heart and soul in the form of an ancient legend, but he was able to rest assured that if she did feel something for him, she knew he'd accept her with open arms. Chakotay had no doubts that if they were still on New Earth, she would reciprocate his feelings by now. Even now, he wondered if she already did and was denying it.

Beep.

Darn. Glancing towards the door, he wondered who would be bothering him at this hour. It wasn't 'tomorrow', technically, but most crew members allowed him some privacy after 2200 and if they had to talk to him, they used the comm system.

"Just a moment." Not really wanting to be caught with the synthehol in his hand, he stood quickly and made his way to the replicator in order to get rid of the fizzing glass of liquid.

While his back was turned, he heard the door slide open and then shut quickly as the intruder stepped inside his quarters.

Glass half raised to push it in the replicator, he turned. Captain Janeway stood silently regarding him, arms folded across her chest, and an icy glare that could freeze time on her face. Her eyes wandered over the interior of his quarters, as she found was her habit when she was nervous. Nothing had changed since she'd been there a few weeks ago-- except a few data padds graced the coffee table where holoprograms had been.

"Captain."

Kathryn bit the inside of her lip. He didn't sound much happier to see her than she was to be here. Did she really want to do this? Now?

"Can I help you?" he asked coolly. Crisply. They hadn't faced each other since he'd looked away after his and Valarie's' third and last kiss-- and found the woman in Captain Janeway watching.

Taking a step backwards, she shook her head. "Nevermind. It can wait until morning." She answered tartly and slipped out of the door.

She was out the door just before Chakotay took a step forward.

The doors to the captain's quarters slid open just before Janeway would have hit her nose on them. Not bothering to call for lights, she tugged off her jacket and dropped it over a chair in her bedroom. Clawing at the jumpsuit and pants, she quickly changed into a soft peach nightgown and slid between the cool sheets before a tear finally pushed past her mask.

Trying to ease her breathing into a peaceful rhythm, she pushed his face out of her mind. He was her best friend. Nothing more. He was kicking himself about Valarie and she should be there to console him. Not moping in her quarters because he had found pleasure with another woman-- again.

Bunching her hand into a fist, Janeway's arm snaked out from beneath the bed covers and pounded relentlessly into the pillow beside her. Why did Chakotay have to be so darn bull headed when it came to women!? Couldn't he pick one and settle down with her?

Refusing to allow herself to continue the action of beating her pillow, Janeway picked up the soft object and flung it across the room. Something wobbled on the shelf. She heard it as it began to fall to the floor.

Hastily calling for lights, Kathryn sat up just in time to see Mark's smiling face crash to the floor and shatter into dozens of pieces on the soft carpet that, apparently, wasn't soft enough to cushion the fall.

Chakotay's head snapped up from where he'd let it rest in his hands after Kathryn had left. His sensitive ears thought they detected the sound of breaking glass through the paper thin Starfleet walls. Straining his ears even more, Chakotay listened as Janeway climbed out of her bed on the other side of his wall and moved across the carpet.

Raising a hand to his comm badge, he was about to contact when her when it chirped. Jumping slightly, he tapped it.

"Chakotay here."

"Commander." It was Janeway-- the captain. Cool. Distant. Nothing more than professional acquaintances. "Tuvok just informed me that another ship has made contact with us and wishes to trade. Senior officers are to report to the conference room in five minutes."

"Understood." Chakotay quickly closed the comm link and ran his hand through his hair. So much for a good night of sleep to ponder his decisions and failures.

When Chakotay entered the conference room a few minutes later, he went straight to his chair and dropped into it. Tom glanced up through his own sleepy haze and gave a brief nod before muttering, "It's too early...or late...for this."

"Sorry, Mr. Paris," Captain Janeway strode in all business. "We've got trading to do and I want it done as quickly as possible so we can all get back to bed."

Chakotay rose an eyebrow at her appearance. Uniform was in place, but it looked like she had thrown it on and run. Her hair, usually brushed and falling in soft, orderly waves about her face, appeared to have simply had her hand run through it before she hastily pinned on the three pips to her collar. Yes, three. The other was probably still lying on her dressing table.

"What?" Blue eyes narrowed at him.

"Nothing, Commander." His brown eyes teased her back. Brows lowered in confusion. Chakotay raised a hand and brushed his fingers over his own Maquis bars. She followed his gesture and eyes widened when she realized she was missing a pip.

"Well, it won't keep me from working, so it's not worth it." Janeway answered briskly turning to Tuvok. "What are these aliens like and what do they want?"

"I am hesitant to judge them, Captain." Tuvok answered, the only one of the senior crew fully awake. "I only spoke with their leader -- whom they called Marcinak Kynira -- for a few minutes. I sensed a hidden agenda with her, but failed to determine what it is."

"What if we met with her? We could invite her over here. Would that help us decide if trading with her is acceptable?"

"Negative. Their species lives in a liquid environment."

"Like water??" B'Elanna asked in surprise. Water had been the most valuable commodity in the Delta Quadrant, she couldn't imagine a race having enough to breathe it-- and not having been killed for it.

"Yes, but it contains such a contamination of other minerals that it would be hazardous to other biological beings to ingest it."

Chakotay rubbed his chin thoughtfully. "If we can't bring them to us, can we go to them?"

Tuvok's eyebrows rose slightly. "Yes, I believe we can modify a space suit to survive in the underwater environment."

"Good." Janeway turned to Chakotay, Harry, and Torres. "I want all of you on this mission. Harry, B'Elanna, get some equipment ready that you can take over there." She shrugged her shoulders. "Never thought I'd say it, but waterproof it."

An hour later, Chakotay fastened the hood of the once-space-suit-now-turned-scuba-suit to the neck of his outfit. Smothering a yawn, he forced himself to take deep, calm breaths in order to prevent fogging up the mask.

"Are you ready?" He stiffly turned to B'Elanna and Harry. Both wore suits like his and carried the same instruments he did.

B'Elanna had managed to find a protective outer seal for the tricorders they carried. She then only had to wrap them up. Harry had used the same plastic for the data padd containing the substances they needed and another for the list the Marcineans would make.

Tom had dashed off directly after the meeting muttering something about protection. Twenty minutes later, he'd returned and reminded them that phasers would be useless. Handing them each a replicated instrument he informed them that if they had to get out of there fast, they could fire this phaser-like object at the one intending to inflict harm and it would propel a physical object at them to buy the crew members a few more seconds to get out of there. Not a long time, the lieutenant warned them, these were after all, simple twentieth century weapons, but it was better than nothing.

Stepping onto the transporter padd, Chakotay nodded to Captain Janeway who had insisted on being the one to initiate the transport.

As he rematerialized in the water environment, the first sensation that was odd to him was the lack of gravity. As his feet gently lifted off the bottom of the corridor, the first officer realized it was not meant for walking on at all. Hatches, the open ones leading to other corridors or rooms branched off from this main hall and some sort of illumination was being provided every few meters by a glowing yellow tube. Turning his head to the left, Chakotay managed to glimpse another hatch being shut against them.

A slight ripple in the water gently caressed his suit causing him to flutter in his suspended state. Pulling his head "up," he found Marcinak Kynira watching them in amusement. Her hair floated around her in a cloud of gold, as pale as her creamy white skin. Skin? Yes, Chakotay figured that was the best description of it. Her face appeared to be as smooth as silk clearly claiming she had never seen a sun. She wore a uniform of sorts. It consisted of gold billowing pants and a fitted jacket that matched in color perfectly. Around her forehead was a band of gold colored material that sported a single jade colored stone. She could pass for a human, Chakotay mused, if it weren't for the tell-tale slits just under her jaw bone.

"You can use your arms to dictate your movement," the woman said audibly.

The sudden ripple behind him indicated that B'Elanna jerked in surprise at being able to hear these people. They were, after all, underwater. Chakotay expected for their speech to be muffled somewhat.

"This liquid is less dense than water," B'Elanna poked a few times at her tricorder. "That would explain why we can actually hear her."

"And why I can hear you also," Kynira smiled at them.

Chakotay found himself returning the smile as a fluttering feeling worked its way into his stomach. Kynira's blue eyes singled him out and her smiled widened to bestow a dazzle of white teeth on him. Dimples flashed back at her as he propelled himself forward.

"I am Commander Chakotay." He turned slightly and gestured to his crew mates. "These are two of my crew members, Ensign Harry Kim and Lieutenant B'Elanna Torres."

"Marcinak Kynira." She bowed her head slightly at them. "And, my crew, Marcin Lolvin and Marcin Cisark. We welcome you."

Chakotay reached a hand out to steady himself as the other two came forward. One male, one female. "It's our pleasure to meet you, Marcinak Kynira. And to do business with you."

"Enough formalities I insist that you call me Kynira." She threw another charming smile at the group. "I'm afraid I never conformed to the society that dictated my every move."

"Then, you must call us Chakotay, Harry, and B'Elanna."

B'Elanna grated her teeth together. If she had to witness much more of this disgustingly sweet woman, she was going to be sick. "Let's get started." She blurted out suddenly.

Lolvin raised his eyebrows. "Of course." He took a step forward and intentionally brushed past Kynira. "I'll lead you to our meeting room."

Chakotay watched as Harry and B'Elanna immediately began swimming after Lolvin. A slight pressure on his arm caused him to look back. Kynira smiled up at him as she began to swim after the others. Her hand still on his arm, Chakotay followed.

They continued down the corridor until Lolvin reached a closed hatch. His hand fitted into a groove on the door and carefully opened it manually. Of course, Chakotay thought to himself, electricity would never work here. He still couldn't fathom how they illuminated the area without it.

Entering the room, they found chairs lining the wall which was curved in a circle conducive for meetings. The entire area-- only about three meters in diameter-- was bathed in a rose colored glow coming from where the ceiling met the walls.

"Take a seat, take a seat." Kynira released Chakotay's arm and settled herself into a chair. Chakotay followed suite and found himself using rings that stood at a 90 degree angle on top of the arm of the chair to pull himself down into the seat. His bottom hit gently against it, but then began to float up again. He pulled himself down, but as soon as he released the rings, he floated up. Trying again in frustration, he hit slightly harder and bounced an inch or so off the seat.

"Slip your arms through the rings." Kynira's voice held a note of laughter as she watched Voyager's crew members struggling against the weightlessness of their new environment.

Chakotay grimaced and slid his arms through the large rings. Using it for an anchor, he found it to be workable.

"Supplies." B'Elanna tried to remind the crew why they were here.

"Yes," Kynira glanced at Lolvin. "Would you care to relay the list of needed items?"

"Food staples, utensils, medical instruments, six phaser discharge manifolds, and three torpedoes."

B'Elanna's head swung to Chakotay. "We can't-"

Chakotay cut her off with the slight raise of his hand. "I'm well aware, Lieutenant." He looked down for a moment to gather his thoughts. When he glanced up, Kynira was watching him. "We can't give you phaser manifolds or torpedoes as we have a limited number ourself. Same with medical supplies. We can exchange food supplies with you."

Kynira looked at him for a long moment and then shifted her gaze to Cisark. A single nod from the other woman assured Kynira of what she would do. "Chakotay, our people are under attack from an alien race that intends to destroy and exterminate our people. Surely, you can spare two torpedoes for our war. It would mean the destruction of half their planet-- which would give us an advantage."

"It's not giving you the torpedoes that's the problem." Harry intervened carefully, well aware that he was treading on shifting sands and this was one of his first negotiation speeches. "If Voyager distributed supplies to everyone who asked, we'd have nothing left to defend ourselves with. We're a peaceful ship, but we do encounter those who wish to destroy us as well. We must be able to intimidate them-- and if it comes to it-- fight them."

"You speak as a loyal member of the crew." Kynira said softly. "I only regret that I will not live long enough to discover if any of my own crew is as loyal."

"Well?" Captain Janeway stood behind her chair a few hours later and regarded the away team with curiosity.

"It was very interesting..." Harry offered weakly casting a glance towards B'Elanna.

She rolled her eyes. "They wanted ammunition for their war."

"You're judging them too harshly." Chakotay protested. "They seemed like a very nice people to me. Not to mention they allowed us to discuss food supplies after we talked them out of our own fire power."

"Seemed nice to you."

Tom rose his eyebrows. "Was there a woman involved?" he asked half jokingly.

"Marcinak Kynira." B'Elanna replied instantly.

"Figures." Tom snorted. "Admit it, Chakotay. When a woman is involved, you can only see through rose-colored glasses!"

Chakotay opened his mouth to speak, but Harry jumped at the chance first. "The room was in a pink color! And there was Valarie, after all."

"Kissing an 8472....flirting with a Marcinian....I don't even want to know what you did with the Borg. Gosh, Commander, you're going to have the most interesting of stories to tell Starfleet than any of us."

"That's enough!"

Silence immediately descended over the conference room as Janeway's snap echoed through it. "You've crossed the line this time, Mr. Paris. I want to speak with you after this."

Tom swallowed. Something about the way she said that,...his immediate future didn't look good. He didn't have time to worry about it though, at that moment the seat under him shuddered with the deck as Voyager received the first hits.

Everyone jumped up from their seat and stumbled over each other in the haste to get to the bridge.

"Report!" Janeway called as she flung herself in her seat and felt the deck shudder under her again.

"The Marcinians, Captain. They've shot at us. Aft shields. Deck twelve!" Harry called out.

"Return fire." She leaned over to look at the console between the two senior officers' chairs.

A bubble around the outline of her ship indicated that aft shields were still in place at eighty-nine percent. Gripping the chair as another hit shuddered the deck, she found Chakotay looking at her with a bemused smile on his lips.

"Port side, deck six." She mouthed to him before glancing back at Ops.

"Port, deck six!" he called down without waiting for her to request it. "No major damage as of yet, Captain."

"Well, so much for trading with them. Send them a few warning shots and get us out of here. It's too early in the morning for a war."

"Aye, Captain."

Feeling the motion of the ship as two more phaser bursts were launched and the ship jumped to warp, Kathryn leaned back in her seat. "Everyone, try to get a couple hours of sleep." She called across the bridge as she stood up to make her way to the turbolift.

Chakotay followed her and leaned against the back of the 'lift as she ordered, "Deck three."

What did she think of him, he wondered. A woman-hungry, hormonal first officer? Kynira had seemed nice. Then again, so had Seska and Riley. Watching Kathryn out of the corner of his eye, he saw her shift and lean back against the wall also.

She was acutely aware of his eye on her. It didn't take a genius to figure that much out. She wondered if he regretted having to leave Valarie behind. It would have been easy-- too easy-- to forget she was an 8472 and to settle down in a nice life in Headquarters on "Earth".

"Thanks."

Her head swung around to look at him. "Pardon?"

"For stopping them in the conference room." Chakotay said softly. "I don't know why I didn't stop it before it started. I guess I'm just tired and didn't feel like it."

"No problem." Kathryn turned her head away just as his brown eyes caught hers. The doors to the 'lift slid open then and she was halfway down the corridor to her quarters before his mind registered it.

Stepping into her dimly lit quarters, Kathryn pulled her jacket off for the second time that night. Draping it across the chair, she pulled the three gold pips off her collar and added them to the fourth on her dressing table. Glancing at herself in the mirror, she suddenly felt guilty. Well, maybe it wasn't so sudden, she mused. She shouldn't have been so swift to end the conversation with Chakotay. He was, after all, the closest thing she had to a friend.

With a slight sigh, she exited her quarters.

Chakotay stepped into his darkened living area. The only illumination came from the stars and he wasn't about to change that. Sinking into the sofa, he ignored the door chime. It could only be one person. And, if she wanted in that bad, she'd use her over ride codes. A few seconds later when the door hissed open, a slight smile tugged at his lips.

"Chakotay?"

"Over here." He turned to her-- a darkened silhouette against the starry backdrop of his view port.

"I.......I came.." Her voice faltered. "I...to see how you're doing."

He glanced at her carefully. The Captain never uttered a word she wasn't sure of. 'Kathryn' very rarely did either. The woman in front of him couldn't seem to get out a full sentence. "I'm not moping, if that's what you're wondering."

"I can see that." Slim fingers played with a Starfleet issue blanket that had been tossed over the back of his sofa as she sat down beside him. "Though, I know something happened with you and Valarie." Blue eyes dared to meet chocolate brown ones. "Even a counselor needs someone to talk to."

He sighed. "Kathryn, what happened down there was nothing more than an act, for the most part. She kissed me....I did kiss her back. I don't know why I did it. I won't pretend to. I only know that I regret allowing her to. Especially at the end when we were in the garden. Those few moments have been nothing but trouble for me. I've lost creditability with Tom because of it and.....I feel guilty about it."

She took a deep breath. "You have no reason to feel guilty. If you want to have a relationship with someone, then that's your choice."

A look of pain flitted over his eyes. "Understood, Captain."

She flinched. "I'm not trying to say it in a cold way, but you need to know that if you wish to have a relationship, you should."

"With an 8472?"

Kathryn's mouth instantly opened to snap out a remark. Closing it again, she pressed her lips together and thought of her words before saying them. "I wouldn't recommend it. But, it would be your choice."

Chakotay slumped back against the arm of the sofa. "Well, don't worry. That's one thing you won't have to worry about. I'm not leaving this ship. Now, if you don't mind, Captain, I'd like to be alone."

Kathryn shakily stood to her feet. As she passed him, her hand rested on his shoulder. "If you need to talk to me...."

"I know where you are." He finished catching her hand in his without looking up at her. A gentle squeeze and her hand slipped from his grasp. "Kathryn, thanks."

She turned and looked in his direction. The stars zipping past at warp prevented her from seeing his facial features, but she knew his eyes were watching her.

"I know you're just trying to help, but this is one journey I must conquer without you." He dropped his eyes to the floor and then raised them to her face again. "I just want you to know I appreciate what you're trying to do."

"Any time, Chakotay." She whispered before slipping through the doors.